Do Women Like Bad Boys?

This morning, I watched No Ordinary Family, which I taped last night. On this particular episode, J.J. wants to maintain chemistry with a girl he met at a genius club, over a game of chess. He's really attracted to this girl, but his friend tells him that he's too nice, and that girls like the "bad boy." Realizing that J.J. is about to fall safely into the "friend" zone with this girl, J.J.'s friend hits on her and challenges J.J. to a fight. J.J. then punches him, the girl is impressed, J.J. learns that his friend was actually looking out for his best interest, and everyone (for the time being) lives happily ever after.

What interests me about this story line is that I see it play out differently in other stories. In Karate Kid III, for instance, Daniel punches a guy who is hitting on his date, breaking his nose. Daniel's date is not impressed, but is angry at Daniel. "What's gotten into you?", she exclaims to Daniel. And I've seen other stories in which the woman is upset that the man has fought for her honor.

Then I think of an episode of Growing Pains from several years back. A bully is picking on Ben, and so Ben learns karate. After Ben has gone through several lessons, the bully confronts Ben in the hall. Ben fantasizes about using his karate on him, putting him in the hospital. Ben then gains an appreciation for the self-discipline that his karate teacher taught him. Back in real life, Ben calmly tells the bully that he will not fight him. The bully calls Ben a chicken, Ben appears un-phased, the crowd leaves, and a nice-looking girl invites Ben to lunch. In this story-line, Ben gets the girl by exercising restraint---which means not fighting.

Then I think of some episodes of Highway to Heaven. In the episode, "The Secret," Jonathan (the angel) roughs up some bullies who take a guy's lunch. The guy has a model-like girlfriend, and, when the bullies take his lunch, she tells him not to fight them, but to get in the car. Jonathan then roughs up the bullies and returns the lunch to the guy and his girlfriend, and the girlfriend has an appreciative "my hero" expression on her face. I've often thought: If I were that guy, I'd be pretty humiliated that bullies took my lunch, and I'd be jealous of Jonathan for beating them up and getting my lunch back. Wouldn't I look bad to my model-like girlfriend, if I'm unable to take care of myself and her?

That brings me to another Highway to Heaven episode: In the one that's on my mind, a paraplegic is at a drive-in with his wife, and a bunch of roughians play their music really loudly. When the paraplegic asks them to turn down their music, they challenge him to a fight. The paraplegic's wife then tells him to leave the drive-in theater, and he does so. But they are run off the road by the roughians. The next morning, the paraplegic's wife tells him not to worry about what happened the night before.

Then there's another episode in which a veteran can't get insurance to cover a much-needed dental operation. He feigns strength before his wife, who loves him precisely because he appears strong to her. But Jonathan tries to get the wife to realize that her husband needs her support amidst his vulnerabilities, not admiration on account of his feigned strength.

I'm not sure what women want, for I hear conflicting messages in the media. Do they want men who are strong? Or men who are vulnerable? Do they want men who will fight for their honor? Or men who choose to be level-headed and to walk away from a conflict rather than playing the hero?

Another thought: punching a person out can lead to being charged with assault. And so there are many times when the best thing to do is to walk away from a conflict.