Emulate

On my Christian dating site, someone posted an article that critiqued atheists, particularly Christopher Hitchens and Bill Maher. It cited surveys that showed religious people are healthier and happier than those who are non-religious.

In the course of the discussion, the person who posted the article made the following comment:

"I know God loves these atheists and desires them to repent and come to Him. But when I hear them talk, I always come away thinking: I have never met, known, or heard an atheist whose attitude or character was anything I would ever want to emulate. And it makes me wonder, why would anyone be attracted to them?"

I like this person, so I didn't want to challenge him on the dating site. And there's a part of me that actually likes his comment. Atheists always like to point out the bad apples of Christianity. A decent response is, "Well, what makes you so special, oh self-righteous atheist?"

But I thought that my friend's comment was rather smug. Indeed, there really aren't too many atheists I want to emulate. Sure, I can understand where they're coming from, but I don't exactly say to myself, "Man, I want to be like this atheist." But, to be honest, there aren't a lot of Christians I want to be like, either. So many Christians are smug, self-righteous, and judgmental. Even if their way has something to it, I don't desire to be like them.

And let me say this: I don't expect people to want to be like me. That's what I hate about Christianity: it says I have to act perfectly so people will see in me something that they want, which will open the door for me to share the evangelical Jesus-spiel. But I don't want people to be like me. I'm scared of my own shadow! I have so much resentment inside of me. I'm not perfect. I have issues to work through. I'm a burden enough to myself. Don't ask me to be burdened with other people's souls and lives!

After I read my friend's comment, I asked myself, "Is there anyone I want to emulate?" Personally, I think there are things to admire and hate in all sorts of people: Christians and atheists. But so many people are regular: they just try to make it through the day.

There is one person whose character I admire: a Buddhist monk I knew at Harvard. He was a friendly, open person--to everyone with whom he came into contact. He didn't seem to have any resentments or cliques or hidden agendas: he manifested what C.S. Lewis said about humility in Mere Christianity--he was genuinely interested in what I had to say. And we had a lot of good talks on religion, as I shared with him my Christianity.

One time, he shared with me some of his Zen Buddhist beliefs. He told me about a monk who was on the mountaintop meditating, and he decided to go down the mountain into the marketplace. After days of meditation, he thought he had enough inner peace to handle anything! Then, someone in the market insulted him, and the monk got mad. He then realized that he had to go back up the mountain to meditate again!

I liked this story because it was so unpretentious: it recognized that life and humanity presents their share of challenges. I've heard Christians beat up on themselves for their imperfections, but I detect a lot of pride in that: Christianity says it's good to be humble, so Christians try to show how much better they are than everyone else by playing their "humility" to the max. But my Buddhist friend was not like that: he saw that living a good life is a process.

I want to close this post by citing a Desperate Housewives episode, from the second season. Carlos Solis was in jail because he assaulted his wife's teenage lover. His wife is named Gabrielle. A pretty nun helps Carlos get out of prison, and he decides to turn his life around: for years, he was a selfish, materialistic, rich guy, and now he seeks to follow God and give to the world. Gabrielle doesn't like the nun because she's attractive, and the nun (for whatever reason) wants Carlos to leave Gabrielle.

There's a funny scene that takes place in a church. Gabrielle pays for the nun to go to Africa, since she wants to keep the lady away from her husband. The nun then arranges for Carlos to come to Africa with her. In the church, as the three of them discuss their plans, Carlos says, "What you don't realize, Gabby, is that there are dying people in the world." Gabrielle responds, "And there are going to be dying people in this church if you don't wipe that patronizing look off your face!"

The nun disappointed me, since she seems like such a nice person: as someone who should love Gabrielle rather than seeking to undermine her. But people don't always live up to their faith. Why does religion lead so often to pride and being patronizing, rather than love and humility?