11 Years, No Growth?

Last night, I was reading Hosea 7:14-16 for my daily quiet time. Essentially, the passage says that the Israelites do not cry out to God from their hearts, but they wail on their beds and cut themselves for grain and wine. It also criticizes them for going to Egypt for help rather than God.

The Israelites were in a lot of pain, yet they were not releasing their pain to God. They simply grieved, without allowing God to use their grief for something positive. They chose not to pursue the hope and healing that comes through communion with God, but they remained alone with their pain. Their "solution" to their problem was to do what appeared practical: they tried to cozy up to Egypt so that she would make them feel secure. But there was no security in Egypt, for Egypt could easily turn on them or get defeated herself.

I've always struggled with the whole Egypt motif in the prophets. Why did the prophets criticize Israel for seeking Egypt's help? Is it wrong to have allies? Was the problem that the Israelites were relying on Egypt rather than God? Would God have allowed them to trust in him and do the practical thing (have a strong ally)? My hunch is no, since God categorically tells them not to go to Egypt. This command seems to have come to Hezekiah, a righteous king who lived during the time of Isaiah and actually tried to have it both ways (consulting God and Egypt at the same time). So does God want us to rely on him alone? Should we avoid doing anything practical that can help our situation, since that would indicate a lack of faith?

I've struggled with this motif for a while, but it is starting to hit home particularly at this time in my life. I will be seeing some secular therapists in the hope that they will help me to deal with certain problems. To a lot of Christians, that is simply unacceptable. For them, I should trust God to change me. I can picture them saying that the way to deal with my problems is to pray, pray, pray.

But, as I thought back last night, I realized that I have been praying--for eleven years. Eleven years ago, I decided to talk to God every day. At various points during those years, I thought that prayer would make me into a better person, someone who is more reverent, loving, peaceful, and forgiving. At the Seventh Day Adventist churches that I attended, I was continually told, "By beholding, we become changed." That means that thinking about God (beholding) makes us more like God in terms of our character. Well, I've been praying for eleven years. I've been doing a daily quiet time for nine of those years. I still have a lot of bitterness towards people. The social anxiety that plagued me years ago continues today. I've not even gotten some of the blessings that I've requested, such as a girlfriend. For me, prayer alone doesn't cut it. I need to learn practical skills, in terms of socializing with others and coping with life's challenges.

On a certain level, the Bible agrees with me. Proverbs 11:14 says, "Where there is no guidance, a nation falls, but in an abundance of counselors there is safety." Proverbs in general is a book of practical suggestions on how to navigate my way through life. Also, God didn't intend for my spiritual life to consist only of me and him. That's why Jesus started the church: we need all of the guidance, wisdom, and encouragement that we can get.

I'm hoping to somehow incorporate what I learn from therapy into my Christian faith. I'll have to see if this is possible. My problem is that secular counselors do not necessarily have Christian presuppositions. The goal of secular counseling is to offer tips that can make the old man better. Christianity says, "Who cares about the old man? Become a new creation!" For Christianity, it's almost as if saying a few magic words will make my deficiencies go away. Secular counseling views the male sex drive as natural, and it understands why people are bitter or jealous, even as it wants people to heal. By contrast, Christianity says, "Lust is adultery, and hatred is murder. Who cares if these things are natural? Human nature is fallen. Who cares about the reasons that you are angry or jealous? The reason is that you're a sinner. Get over it! Become a new creation!"

I'm not saying that secular counseling is perfect, for it seems to have a rather libertine approach to life. "You can do what you want, as long as it makes you happy and doesn't hurt anyone else," I heard a secular therapist once say. And that can mean that homosexuality, premarital sex, and no-fault divorce are perfectly all right. But these things have profoundly negative consequences, such as STDs, unplanned pregnancy, a cheapening of sex, and a breakdown of the home.

Will I continue to pray, even if it doesn't seem to work? Absolutely. I need a friend, and God is someone I can contact at any time during the day. There are many people who love me, but God is the friend who sticks closer than a brother. Also, even though I often feel that the Bible or Christianity doesn't speak to my current situation, I may find at some point that it does. I just need to keep praying and reading, each and every day.

I once read a story about a person who was discouraged with church. He complained that he had gone to church for 30 years, heard 3,000 sermons, and didn't remember any one of them. A friend then asked him if he remembered all of the 3,000 meals his wife made him during his marriage. He didn't remember them, but they were still nourishing and sustaining him during all that time. Similarly, he may not have felt that he was getting anything out of church, but he was. God was nourishing him throughout his life. And maybe God has been nourishing me during my years of prayer and Bible study.

Also, prayer is important because it helps others. I am blessed because the Internet gives me opportunites to pray for other people. When I walk into a church, I don't really know the people well enough to have an understanding of their problems, and they usually don't share them with me at the service. Plus, I have difficulty getting to know people anyway. Through the Internet, however, I can read a person's problem and post a prayer. Prayer works! Not only does God hear it, but it also creates a feeling of solidarity among believers. I can't solve someone else's problems, since they are often out of my hands, but I can still pray for them. And many times I just need to get my mind off of myself long enough to realize that others have problems, sometimes worse than mine.

So maybe I am growing, whether or not I can see the growth in progress. Or perhaps God has given me more opportunities to serve than I've had in the past. The opportunities are great, but I still have a long way to go.