Church Write-Up: Spring Prayer Retreat 2018

I will write my Church Write-Up about the Sunday services this coming Wednesday.  In this post, I will write about a prayer retreat that I attended last Saturday morning.  It was at the Missouri Synod Lutheran church that I have been attending.  Here are some select items.

A.  We were discussing how prayer changes us, the people who pray.  If we find ourselves feeling cold towards God, we should pray, as Martin Luther said.  Someone said that praying with a person creates a bond.  The pastor said that lifting up people one dislikes towards the throne of grace softens one’s attitude towards them.  Someone else stated that praying for others makes us less self-centered: we can pray even for people we do not know, on the Max.  A lady was sharing her story about how she lost a child to a disease, and prayer got her through the aftermath of that.  She found that she was anxious, desperately trying to prevent anything bad from ever happening again.  But she decided to trust God, and she thanked God for the time that she got to spend with her daughter.  She had apprehensions about her elderly father, due to his declining health, but she is thankful that he is still able to visit churches and to preach.

B.  The pastor expressed disagreement with a particular interpretation of the Parable of the Widow and the Unjust Judge in Luke 18:2-8.  Often, he said, pastors assert that the meaning of this parable is that we need to keep praying to wear God down, so that God will finally respond.  The pastor said that he thinks the widow knew that the judge would eventually respond, and that encouraged her persistence.  That is how it is with us and God: we can trust God’s faithfulness, and that encourages us to persist in prayer.  One person talked about how he tried to wear God down, but he eventually arrived at a point of dependence and surrender.

C.  We read Psalm 34:1-9.  The superscription sets that Psalm during the events of I Samuel 21:10-15.  David is on the run from King Saul and flees to Philistine territory.  David, of course, had a bad reputation among the Philistines, since he has slain ten-thousands of them.  David pretends to be a madman before the Philistine king, who consequently decides not to take David seriously as any sort of threat.  The pastor likened this to Obi-Wan saying to the Stormtroopers in Star Wars, “These aren’t the droids you’re looking for.”  Psalm 34:1-9, in light of the superscription, is David’s expression of relief that God delivered him from peril, that the Philistine king bought his act.  Psalm 34:9 exhorts people to taste and see that the LORD is good, and the pastor said that a lesson he gets out of this is that God puts answers to our prayers in the tangible world: it is not just a head thing.  God tangibly delivered David, and God reaches out to us through baptism, the Eucharist, and the aspects of creation that remind us of God’s goodness.  Later on, the pastor said that God can use things to reach people that were originally designed for other purposes.  The woman who had lost a child talked about a church sign she saw that really ministered to her and gave her hope, saying “Your answer is in here.”  The pastor said that sign may have been put up by a snarky pastor, but God used it to minister to her.

D.  The pastor was interpreting Matthew 21:21, which states that faith can move mountains, and John 15:7, where Jesus promises that God will grant any request made in Jesus’ name.  The pastor was contending against name-it-claim-it folks.  He expanded upon his treatment of John 15:7 in his sermon on Sunday morning, so I will address that in my post on Wednesday.  On Matthew 21:21, he said that the fruitless fig tree represents the Jerusalem Temple system, and the mountain that would be moved and cast into the sea would be the Temple Mount: the Temple would end, and what Jesus offers in relationship with God would replace that.  Derek Leman has a similar, yet different, interpretation, which preserves what makes sense in the pastor’s interpretation, while redressing the parts that (in my opinion) do not fit the text as well.

E.  One point that was made was that our relationship with God does not rest on formal prayer, for we are continually connected with God in spirit.  The Holy Spirit intercedes for us when we lack the words to pray (Romans 8:26).  The pastor shared that he missed a prayer before bedtime when he was a child, but he concluded that he was still connected with God, and God was bigger than he thought.

F.  The lady who had lost a child was talking about ways to pray God’s word: to absorb God’s word and to pray in response to it.  She gave us a sheet with Scriptures about God’s Word.  Someone remarked that the first passage on the list, II Timothy 3:16-17, primarily depicts Scripture as informative: it imparts useful information, which could even guide non-believers.  The Scriptures after that on the list, however, go a step further, depicting the Scripture as spiritually powerful and transformative.

G.  Prayer stations were set up throughout the church, according to the ACTS acronym: there was an Adoration station, a Confession station, a Thanksgiving station, and a Supplication station.  People could go to a station, pick up a sheet with Scriptural passages, and pray about those passages until a bell rung, after which (if they chose) they would go to another station.  In this item, I will share what passages stood out to me.

Before we started the stations, we practiced praying over the Scriptures with Psalm 91, which was about God’s protection of people.  Somewhere in my mind, I wondered if God truly protected the righteous or the faithful: if it really was the case that others would die of a plague, whereas the righteous and faithful would not.  There are stories of that sort of thing, but there are also stories of godly people suffering peril.  The question is legitimate, but, in that setting, I decided to put aside debating and “but what about”s and just to absorb the Psalm.  I felt safe and secure as I did so.

The verse that stood out to me at the Adoration station was Psalm 139:9-10: “If I take the wings of the morning, and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea; Even there shall thy hand lead me, and thy right hand shall hold me” (KJV).  I thought about the story of when George H.W. Bush was a soldier in World War II and was stranded at sea, and his faith got him through that.  The part about God being available for guidance, wherever we may be, also stood out to me.

At the Confession station, the verse that was salient to me was Psalm 51:6.  Whatever translation we were given says: “Yet you desired faithfulness even in the womb; you taught me wisdom in that secret place.”  Looking at my BibleWorks, I can see that there are other ways to understand and to translate that verse.  The way that the sheet rendered it, however, made me think about how God created us in the beginning with some innate sense of right and wrong.

At the Thanksgiving station, the passage that stood out to me was Psalm 105:16-22.  God sent famine to Egypt, but God providentially sent down Joseph, whom the Egyptians shackled and imprisoned.  But the Word of God that Joseph proclaimed was fulfilled, and Joseph was released and exalted, to instruct princes and elders in wisdom.  Some of this can be disturbing: God caused a famine?  But, in a sense, it is edifying: God worked to teach people wisdom.

At the Supplication station, the sheet had a list of topics, and Scriptures we could look up if we were struggling with those topics.  The topic I chose related to conflict in relationships.  The Scriptures talked about God being our Father when we are alone and the importance of forgiveness, putting aside resentment, and love.  Usually, I am defensive when it comes to my willingness or ability (or lack thereof) to forgive or to love.  That time, though, I just absorbed the passage, and they made more sense to me.

H.  Near the beginning, the pastor said that we may pray for a person’s healing and be disappointed when that person dies, but the person is in heaven: the person is happier where he or she is, than if he or she were still alive on earth.  I was a little ambivalent about that.  See Steve Hays’ post here, especially the third item.  Also, I wondered if we should see any health related concern on earth as tragic, if a person’s death leads that person to go to heaven.  Jesus on earth certainly cared about people’s experiences on earth, for Jesus healed, and even resurrected, people.  At the same time, I think of people I know who have died, some even dying early deaths.  I was looking up a pastor from my childhood, and I remembered that his wife had a beautiful singing voice.  I learned that she died in 1999, at the age of 50.  How tragic.  But the Christian hope is that death is not her end: that she will live on.

I will leave the comments on, in case anyone wants to add anything.  I do not particularly want to read snarky atheist comments, though.

Book Write-Up: The Prayer God Loves to Answer

Daniel Henderson.  The Prayer God Loves to Answer: Accessing Christ’s Wisdom for Your Greatest Needs.  Minneapolis: Bethany House, 2016.  See here to buy the book.

The back cover of the book says (and these are excerpts, not the whole two paragraphs):

“Should I take that new job?  How can I be a better parent?  Who should I marry?  How can I make ends meet?…The source of all wisdom and knowledge has not called us to figure out life’s uncertainties for ourselves…In this book, Daniel Henderson shares his practical approach to prayer.”

In my opinion, this book is not exactly as it is advertised.  The writers of that summary may sincerely believe that their description is faithful to the content of this book, and I am not accusing them of being intentionally misleading.  What I am saying is that readers should expect something different from this book.

The book is essentially about Spirit-led character formation, and relying on God in prayer for that godly character.

What is the prayer that God loves to answer, to echo the title of this book?  According to James 1:5-6, God loves to answer people’s prayer for wisdom, provided those prayers are made with faith.  And what are the characteristics of the wisdom that God gives to those who ask?  James 3:17-18 states: “But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, and easy to be intreated, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality, and without hypocrisy.  And the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace of them that make peace” (KJV).

That is how the book is organized.  The chapters unpack each of those characteristics of wisdom from above, then the book interprets v 18, which states that “the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace of them that make peace” (KJV).

The book has its share of positives.  It seeks to define the characteristics enumerated in James 3:17-18, rather than just assuming that readers know what they mean, and it looks to Scriptures for illumination.  Occasionally, it provided an insightful interpretation of Scripture that was new to me.  For example, it discussed James 3:1’s statement about teachers receiving stricter judgment in light of what James 3 later says about cursing and vain ambition; for Henderson, these would-be teachers may have been guilty of precisely that.

There were good quotations, such as the quotation of Charles Haddon Spurgeon that said that people’s unkindness should make us appreciate God’s kindness even more, and a quotation of John MacArthur about what God’s kingdom is about.  A few times, the book referred to aspects of Greco-Roman society that overlapped with or differed from the virtues of biblical religion, and that was interesting, or at least it can stimulate further research.

Often, the book was presenting a standard that appeared idealistic or unrealistic.  Yet, Henderson occasionally told stories about his own shortcomings, and he encouraged struggling Christians to persevere amidst spiritual failure.  Henderson also said that he has experienced God enabling him and others to be merciful, when they lacked the power within themselves to be so. Such testimony gave more credence to what he was saying.

The book presented a lot of thoughts that have been presented before, in other places, but there is nothing wrong with being reminded of these insights.  (This is not to suggest that Henderson is plagiarizing, but he does relay a lot of the common sense that is out there in Christian culture, and even secular culture: common sense about treating people with respect and being kind rather than winning arguments.)

In terms of negatives, the book would have been better had it addressed difficult questions.  Does gentleness mean that we have to be passive doormats and can never stand up for ourselves?  Does being impartial mean that we cannot love some people more than others?  Does avoiding hypocrisy mean being completely transparent to people about how we are feeling?  Really?

There was an occasion when Henderson raised an excellent question, but his answer was slightly disappointing.  He asked whether Jesus’ apparent preference for Peter, James, and John contradicted God’s standard for Christians to be impartial.  Henderson’s answer is that we cannot fully understand why God does what God does.  Maybe there is something to that answer, but I was hoping for a little more wrestling.

Another negative in the book, in my opinion, was a lack of pathos.  Henderson tried to convey some pathos.  He referred to a time when he pastored a church that was recovering from the previous pastor’s moral failure.  But Henderson only went so deep when it came to pathos, or to the grittiness and struggles of life.  Overall, the book conveyed a Zen-like, Pollyannish, and perhaps even a detached tone.

I received a complimentary copy of this book from the publisher.  My review is honest!

The Time for Prayer

At church last Sunday, an associate pastor was preaching about II Chronicles 7, in which King Solomon of Israel is dedicating the Temple.  Solomon says that, when people sin, they can come to the Temple and pray.  The preacher said: "When is a good time to pray?  When you have sinned!"  When you botch things up, that is the time to pray.

I needed that message that day.  And the sermon went on and on, such that the person in front of me fell asleep, and his wife said to him, "Shame on you!  This is church!"  But I liked that the sermon went on and on.  In times of inner desolation, being barraged with a good sermon is what I need!

And others there may have felt the same way.  When the associate pastor asked people to stand if they felt a desire to go deeper in their prayer lives, a lot of people stood.  And they were not just doing so to be polite, for a lot of other people, myself included, did not stand.  Those who stood must have felt impacted by this particular sermon.

When you sin, or botch things up, and feel inadequate and distant from God, that is the time to pray. 

Scattered Ramblings on John the Baptist and the Recent Shootings

The service at church this morning revolved around John the Baptist preparing the way for Jesus.  The pastor preached on Luke 3:1-18.

We sang a worship song, “Here Is Our King.”  The song talked about spring arriving and healing the ground, and someone saying something that causes the rose to unfold.  The song calls what is coming—-presumably Jesus—-“A trace of what we’re looking for.”

Jesus is what we’re looking for.  Jesus will satisfy our needs.  Is that actually in the Bible, or is that evangelicals projecting consumerism and self-esteem onto the biblical text?  I do not see this theme in every single book of the Bible; the synoptic Gospels, for example, seem to assume that people should repent because that is the right thing to do, not because it meets their personal needs.  But the idea that Jesus or God satisfies our hunger and thirst is in some places.  Jesus in John 4:14 says that people will never thirst again after drinking the water that he gives them.  Jesus in John 6:35 states that people who come to him will never be hungry.  Isaiah 55:2 has: “Wherefore do ye spend money for that which is not bread? and your labour for that which satisfieth not? hearken diligently unto me, and eat ye that which is good, and let your soul delight itself in fatness” (KJV). 


We have this worship song about Jesus being what we are truly looking for and, presumably, satisfying our needs.  But, as the pastor noted, John the Baptist sounded pretty harsh in his sermon to the people.  John was not preaching a seeker-sensitive message!  According to the pastor, John was doing this to shake people out of their complacency so that they can be prepared for the Messiah’s coming.  Similarly, the pastor said, many of us can become complacent, in our comfort, about the suffering in the world.  John was calling people vipers and was warning them about unquenchable fire, but there was also a positive aspect to his message.  John in Luke 3 was predicting the salvation of God, and he was exhorting people who had two coats to give one of those coats to someone who had none.  As the pastor said, a person only needs that one coat!  John also talked about the uplifting of valleys and the lowering of mountains, and the pastor interpreted this in reference to (among other things) people who are hurt becoming healers.

Our church is giving to people who lack.  Someone was telling us about a ministry in our church that gives long underwear and socks to the needy.  That helps them, during this winter season.

The pastor did not preach about the recent shooting, but he did make some remarks about it earlier in the service, during the prayer part.  He encouraged us to think about how we are connected with those mourning the victims, and to ask God what we can do in response.  The pastor said that he would not be preaching about the shooting in the sermon, because the shootings happen so often, and he does not want focusing on the shootings to detract from focusing on Jesus during this Advent season.  Jesus, for the pastor, is part of the solution for these kinds of ills in society.

The pastor may have been responding to what some atheists and progressive Christians have been saying online about prayer, in light of the recent shooting.  Essentially, they have been saying that prayer should not take the place of action.  The pastor was encouraging prayer that leads to action.  The thing is, however, that many of us do not know how to solve large-scale problems.  The pastor himself, in a blog post this past week, confessed that he does not entirely know what to do, and he said that, while he supports gun control, he does not see that as the end-all, be-all solution to the problem.

Other than prayer, I am not planning on actively doing something about the shootings.  I do not know what to do.  I still agree with trying to feel some human connection to the victims and their loved ones, however.  Last week, ABC News was showing some of the victims of the shooting, and they looked like regular people, good people trying to get through life, the sorts of people I know.  When it comes to the shootings, I plan to pray.  Maybe I can see if there are public policy options that can expand access to mental health treatment, especially to those who cannot afford it (and not just the poor, either, but for those who spend so much on necessities that there is not much left over for therapy), and to encourage lawmakers to address that.

Rather than stressing out over things that I cannot control, because the problems are bigger than me, I can look at what I can do.  I can donate to a charity that gives long underwear and socks to the needy, for example, or to another worthy cause.

Giving Thanks, Without Being Perfunctory

During my prayer time last night, the subject of thanksgiving entered my mind because, well, it is Thanksgiving!  Philippians 4:6 came to my mind: “Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God” (KJV).

There are many verses that I have read in the Bible.  Some have been impressed in my mind.  Some, not so much!  I first came to appreciate this verse when I read John MacArthur’s book, Anxiety Attacked, back when I was in high school.  I read that book a couple of times.  I read it once, then I reread it during the final exam period, a time when I was particularly anxious.  John MacArthur had a chapter in that book about Philippians 4:6.

But the years passed, and I have not thought about that verse that often since then—-maybe sporadically.  But I thought about it last night.  And what I thought was this: I spend a lot of my prayer time making requests to God.  That is not all that I do, of course, for I read something devotional: the Bible, the pseudepigrapha, and currently the “Conflict of Adam and Eve with Satan.”  But requests are a significant part of my prayer time.  I pray for others first, one reason being that I care for the people I pray for and want to see good in their lives, and another reason being that I want to cultivate compassion within myself.  Then I pray for my own needs and desires: help me to get paying employment so that eventually I can pay off my student loans, help my blog to do better, help me to have more peace in social situations, fill me with your Holy Spirit, help me to make progress on my dissertation, help me to move on from past hurts.

I make these requests, and I do not think that is a bad thing.  This is a broken world, after all.  I am broken.  Others are broken, looking for a breakthrough, or at least peace.  Life is broken.  I would be wrong to refrain from praying for things, for that would imply that everything is all right.  It’s not.

But, unfortunately, I rarely make these requests with thanksgiving.  It’s not that I never give thanks.  It’s just pretty sporadic.  I thank God for the good that happens in the lives of others: when someone fears that she has cancer and learns that she does not, I give God thanks.  Yes, bad things happen to people in this life, but it is good to be happy about the good things that happen in people’s lives.  I also thank God for some of the joys or conveniences that I experience: that movie, TV show, or book that really moved me or made me think; that resource that I found for my dissertation (and, believe me, resources are not always easy to find!).

But I think that I should make thanksgiving a regular part of my daily prayer time.  But I want to do this without being perfunctory.  I don’t like having a long list of obligatory things that I have to say when I am praying.  I get to the point where I am not feeling what I am praying.  Currently, I have my standard list of people I pray for each day, and I keep that pretty standard: I rarely add to it.  But there is also a part of my prayer time in which I pray for people who are not part of my standard list—-people who come to mind at that moment.  That can vary by the day.  I find this approach more authentic than feeling as if I have to pray through the phone book.

I can do something similar with thanksgiving.  I can set aside a part of my prayer time in which I mention something that I am thankful for.  I don’t have to go through a laundry list, but I can mention something, and maybe more than one thing.  It can pertain to myself, or to something good that is happening in the life of someone else.  There is a lot to be thankful for: people who have helped me, our cats, and the list goes on.

I spend a lot of time complaining and griping about life.  That probably won’t change.  I believe that I have things to complain about!  I might as well not pretend otherwise, though I generally will try not to burden my readers with that (which is not a promise, but just a policy I may follow).  But I should spend more time than I do being thankful.

Triablogue: Steve Hays on Answered and Unanswered Prayer, and the Question of Whether Jesus Could Sin

Answered and Unanswered Prayer:  http://triablogue.blogspot.com/2015/09/when-cats-away-mice-will-play.html

“Could Jesus Sin?”: http://triablogue.blogspot.com/2015/09/could-jesus-sin.html

Scattered Ramblings on Prayer

The theme at church this morning was prayer.  In response to that, I will respond to three quotes that I read recently about this subject.

1.  Yesterday, I was reading a post by unkleE (Eric Hatfield) about his experiences in various churches.  He was in a Presbyterian church, and later he was in a Pentecostal church.  He said that they differed in their approach to prayer:

“The biggest lesson we learnt [in the Pentecostal church] was to pray. The Presbyterians are not so strong on prayer, because why would a sovereign God need our advice on what he should do? But with the Pentecostals, we learnt that God doesn’t always exercise his sovereignty, and has delegated some of his work to us. If we want him to be active on our behalf, we need to ask him.”

As my Presbyterian pastor said this morning, Jesus saturated his ministry with prayer.  Some of that, as my pastor noted, was so that Jesus could gain strength, especially before he was about to be misunderstood and forsaken by his disciples, tortured, and shamefully put to death.  Often, Jesus needed to be spiritually centered, to demonstrate concretely his dependance on God, and to go to God for guidance (as when Jesus prayed before selecting his disciples), and prayer was a place where he could do that.  I definitely see value in prayer for those reasons.

But there is something about the Pentecostal approach that resonates with me, for I also believe that Jesus was praying so that his ministry would bear fruit.  Jesus was going up against opposing spiritual powers, who were oppressing people spiritually and physically, and he needed God’s help to make any headway.  Would God have acted had Jesus not prayed, out of concern for the people who were oppressed?  I cannot say, but I do believe that God often acts with people rather than completely on his own, and prayer is one way that we can indicate that we are open to what God wants to do.  In short, God may act according to our readiness for him to act.

I don’t take this in the direction of saying that God is more likely to answer prayers made by a bunch of people than he is to only one prayer.  Or it depends.  If we’re talking about healing, God may be impressed if a bunch of people care so much for a sick person that they pray for his healing.  God can manifest his goodness to more people by answering that prayer.  But I also believe that God may choose to answer the prayer of healing of a few people, or even just one person who does not have many friends, to show his care to that person.  When it comes to great causes, though, God may choose to respond when a significant number of people are ready for God to act.  And yet, even that can start with one person, as when Moses went out to pray at the Tent of Meeting by himself.  For a great cause to have success, more people may need to be on the same page.  Still, if you are one person with a vision, pray, and see what happens!

2.  I read a book a while back, Ordinary, by Tony Merida (see my review here).  Merida talked about the International Justice Mission, which helps people in the Third World, such as a woman who was seeking justice and had to walk miles to court.  This group emphasizes prayer a lot.

But I wondered: Why does God have to be asked to help the people?  Couldn’t God just do so without people asking?  Wouldn’t one expect that of a God who is loving, generous, and kind?

I just finished Pope Francis’ The Joy of the Gospel (which I will review tomorrow).  On page 190, Pope Francis states: “We can say that God’s heart is touched by our intercession [for others], yet in reality he is always there first.  What our intercession achieves is that his power, his love and his faithfulness are shown ever more clearly in the midst of his people.”

Is Pope Francis saying that God is already at work, but prayer makes evident where and how God is at work?  Perhaps prayer can do so.  It can highlight to us God’s priorities.  But I also pray because I want God to act, in a world where enough people suffer and enough injustice occurs that one can legitimately question if God even is acting.  Like the IJM, I want for that woman in the Third World to get justice.  But I fear that she might not get that justice if neither she nor others are praying for it.  What makes me say that?  Because there are plenty of people in the world who do not get justice and who suffer.

3.  At church this morning, the Prayer of Invocation in our bulletin said the following: “You watch over us: to pluck up and break down our errant ways, to build up and plant new possibilities for life in your Spirit.”

New possibilities.  It makes me feel good to get something new, as when I get a new book from the library, or a new review book in the mail.  What do I want that is new in my life?  Well, maybe a romantic relationship, or popularity, or more ways to earn money.  Are those things new possibilities for life in God’s spirit?  Well, that depends.  They can coincide with my selfishness.  But they can also be carried in redemptive directions: a romantic relationship that draws me closer to God, inspires me to be a better person, and provides opportunities for me to show love; people who encourage me spiritually and whom I can encourage; and money for good uses (though, in my case, it would be to pay off my student loans).  There’s nothing wrong with new possibilities, yet I remember the words of James: “Ye ask, and receive not, because ye ask amiss, that ye may consume it upon your lusts” (James 4:3 KJV).

Those are some ramblings.  They are far from perfect.  An atheist or someone who questions the idea that God is active in the world can easily poke holes in what I am saying.  Still, I believe that what I am saying contains a grain of truth, or is part of a broader picture of truth.

Book Write-Up: The Life You Always Wanted

John Ortberg.  The Life You Always Wanted: Spiritual Disciplines for Ordinary People.  Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1997, 2002.

Someone recommended this book to me years ago.  He said that the title was a bit cheesy, but that it is a really good book that he found to be helpful to him in his Christian life.  Years after my friend’s recommendation, I decided to read the book, probably because I was looking for guidance on how to see and to live the Christian life.

Writing from my current perspective and where I am, I found the book to be all right.  Ortberg is well-read, and that comes out in his writing.  Have I decided to make any significant changes to my life after reading this book?  Well, mostly no, but I am open on some things.

Let me share a bit with you about myself.  Over the past four years, I have prayed each day for at least ten minutes.  At first, I just talked to God, sharing what was on my mind.  Later, I was finding my prayers to be rather aimless and self-centered, so I decided to incorporate the reading of Scripture into my ten-minute prayer time.  I initially felt that I had to comment on the Scriptural passage I was reading for most if not all of those ten minutes.  Then, I got to the Book of Psalms and found that I had a hard time finding something to say about the Psalm passage I was reading, so I just read the passage then commented on whatever I wanted (usually my life) for the rest of the ten minutes.  I did not want to fall into a pattern of not absorbing the Scripture, however, so I decided that I would read a passage, say at least something about it, and then talk about what I wanted.  My ten minute prayers currently vary.  Sometimes, I interact with the passage during all of the ten minutes.  Usually, there is a mix between commenting on the passage and commenting on other things.  When I find that I have nothing to say, I look at a list of people to pray for, which my church provides every week, and pray for people on that list.  But don’t think that I don’t pray for people otherwise: I do.

I tend to have a sense of accomplishment when I get through a book of the Bible.  On hard days, or days when I am enthusiastic about God or my reading of Scripture, I may add another ten minutes of prayer time, or another.  Moreover, my reading of Scripture is rather academic.  It consists of me noticing puzzling details and looking up commentaries to see how they iron those details out, or drawing conclusions about the ideology of the writers of the biblical books, comparing it with the ideologies of other biblical writers.  I would say that the Bible seems rather human to me when I read it, not as inerrant.  Yet, it also appears to me to have a divine power or authority to it, but I cannot quite pin down where the human ends and the divine begins, and vice versa.  Do I get any guidance from the Bible on how to live my life?  I would say yes, on some level: I struggle with practical ramifications of biblical passages, and I learn about humility, discipline, and love and compassion for others.

Overall, I would say that I am satisfied with my current practice of doing devotions.  Or, at least, I am hesitant to change.  Ortberg gave me things to think about: about not being afraid to go slowly through biblical or devotional readings if one feels a divine encouragement to linger, to talk with God for five minutes each day about whatever, etc.  On the first suggestion, I will probably continue my practice of meeting a schedule in my biblical reading.  Still, I do wonder: I go through these biblical books so fast, and I forget pieces of what I read and learned.  I read Leviticus a year or so ago, and I cannot tell you what I learned from that reading.  Is there a place for being slow and steady in my reading of Scripture?  Ortberg talked about chewing on a single verse or passage throughout the day, especially if that passage is relevant to what one is concerned about.  I am open to that.

In what ways was I challenged or encouraged to change in my reading of Ortberg’s book?  Well, I am encouraged to ask the Holy Spirit for guidance on how to interact with people before I interact with them.  I also know that I have a problem with approval addiction, desperately craving acceptance from others.  Ortberg says that is a problem because that can prevent people from speaking truth to power, or saying things that people do not want to hear.  I am not particularly concerned about that, at least not right now.  I just do not want to feel like garbage when I am rejected or ignored by others.

The book also had good stories.  Ortberg referred to a psychologist, Milton Rokeach, who wrote about his attempts to deal with three people who thought they were the Messiah.  Ortberg wrote about this in his chapter on humility, on realizing that the universe does not revolve around us personally!

These are my thoughts about how I interacted with the book, from where I am right now.  Others may have a different experience.  I may even have a different experience with it were I to reread it years later.  I will not linger in it right now, though, but will move on to another book!

Praying about Current Events, "God's Not Dead" Bible Study, Getting Out of the Way

I have three items for my write-up on this morning’s church service.

1. During the children’s part of the service, the pastor and his puppet, Jake, were addressing what Christians can do in response to the problems in the world. The pastor was talking about the slaughter of Christians, so I assumed that he was speaking about what ISIS is doing. The pastor said that we can pray.

Do I buy that? Soon before the Iraq War started, a relative of mine said, “We won’t have a war. God won’t allow there to be a war!” But God did allow that war to take place, at great cost of American and Iraqi lives.

I do not know if prayer will make things better. I do believe, though, that I should pray for my leaders, that they might make a good decision. I want for the slaughter of Christians to be stopped. But I don’t want for Americans to be entangled in another hopeless quagmire. There may be a proper way to go about this: to form alliances so that we can defeat ISIS. I just hope our leaders make decisions that turn out all right.

2. My church will begin a new Bible study. It will be a curriculum about the God’s Not Dead movie. The movie is about a Christian student who challenges an atheist professor.

For a variety of reasons, I do not plan on attending this study. But I can somewhat sympathize with my church for choosing this particular Bible study curriculum to go through. More than once at my church, I have heard people complain about atheists. They may encounter atheists on Facebook. One person referred to a bumper sticker he saw that said “I will not think in your church, if you do not pray in my school.” He said this bumper sticker was “not cool,” and he lamented that Christians are not equipped to challenge atheists. My church may be going through this curriculum to learn about arguments that would hopefully make Christianity look credible to the outside world.

They will learn those arguments. The thing is, will they also learn (if not from the curriculum, then from their interactions) that atheists have their own answers to those arguments? Maybe, in which case the Christians may choose to dig deeper, or they may write the atheists off as stubborn and blind to the truth. Who knows what will happen.

The movie, according to my understanding, depicts the atheist professor as one who was mad at God because his mom died when he was young. I hope those who go through this Bible study don’t assume that all atheists are like that.

3. The pastor said in his sermon that he was reading a book about the Welsh revival. He quoted one of its central figures, who said that he was impacted by the revival, rather than causing it. God was the one initiating the revival, whereas the alleged “central figure” was merely caught up in what God was doing. It was all about God. On a similar note, the pastor told about a singer who consulted a faith healer, and the faith healer told her that it is not about him but Jesus Christ. And the pastor told the story of how Norman Vincent Peale and his wife received a timely, unexpected donation so they could continue publishing their faith-affirming periodical, Guideposts. They attributed that to God.

I thought of a Christian radio program that I occasionally listen to. The host was advertising a worship retreat in the woods, and he said, “Don’t worry, I’m not some performer doing tricks! It works better when I get out of the way and let God do his work!” I find that sentiment to be profound. I am someone who is thirsty for glory. I want people to notice and appreciate ME. And there is nothing wrong with that, as long as that sentiment doesn’t go overboard. But I admire those who are able to see themselves as part of something bigger, who are so caught up in God that they are willing to step out of the way so God can get the glory. They do not lose out in doing this, for God loves them, and they want others to experience God’s love, as well.

My Church Is Praying

At church this morning, a lady was telling the pastor that people outside of our church are asking to be put on our church’s prayer list.  We started a prayer list recently.  Last month, the church’s Bible study group was going through the Bible study curriculum, When God’s People Pray.  I left the study halfway through, for various reasons, but I am impressed that this study has inspired my church to pray.  People meet twenty minutes before church starts for prayer.  When I first heard about this, I was a bit worried that it would take the pastor away from greeting people before the service, which is important because it makes people feel welcome.  I don’t think that has happened, though, because the group only prays for ten minutes, or so, and that leaves the pastor time to greet people.  Whether the group actually meets longer than that, or whether the pastor continues to greet people before the service, I do not know.  During summers, I usually arrive at church right when the service is beginning.  I leave at 9:40, it is a 15 minute walk, and so I arrive at 9:55, when the pastor is giving the announcements.

Inside our bulletin is a list of people to pray for.  We had a list last week.  We have a list this week.  What I have been doing is placing that list in my Bible so that I can look at it when I am doing my prayer and Bible study time.  I do not legalistically go through the entire list, but I pick a name or two (or more), and I pray for those people and their needs.  This is especially helpful when there is a lull in my prayer time, when I do not know exactly what to say to God.

I have been praying quite a bit for my church’s Vacation Bible School, which will be going on in a couple of weeks.  The reason that I would like for it to succeed is that I have read that a mark of a healthy church is that it is reaching out to the community.  I rejoice that my church is trying to do so, and I pray for it to prosper.

Another Way to Look at Confession

I read a good post about confession of sin.

I’ve been wondering this past week where exactly confession of sin should fit into my spiritual life.  I went to my church’s Bible study last Thursday night, and the lesson essentially was that God will not hear our prayers if we are holding on to sins, and so we need to confess and forsake our sins.  That discouraged me, since I am far from perfect.  The result of that lesson was that I hated myself for my flaws, I hated God for being such a perfectionist, and I was judgmental of others’ flaws.  I also was not particularly others-oriented, on account of my own spiritual turmoil.  You can read about that here.

Then I went to church on Sunday morning, and I felt a bit better afterwards.  The reason is that the theme at our service was about God and people reaching out to the broken-hearted and those who have lost their way, trying to help them rather than judging them.  You can read about that here.
But a question occurred to me.  I realize that me focusing on my own flaws and asking God to have mercy on a worm such as me is not mentally healthy for me.  I thought that perhaps I should focus on doing and thinking good rather than beating myself up for my flaws and imperfections.  Does that mean that confession of sin should play no role in my spiritual life, though?  It’s such a large part of the Bible!

That’s where the post I read this morning comes in: Morgan Guyton’s The Gospel of the Freedom to Be Wrong.  The post looks at how certain conceptions of confession of sin are unhealthy, but it also proposes an alternative model.  Here’s a quote:

“I do think that confession and accountability are immensely important tools if the problem of sin is understood properly. The problem is not that I’m supposed to be perfect and God is really angry because I’m not. The problem is that I continue to lack the freedom to be wrong, and God is really sad because I still don’t trust him. Even though Jesus died for my sins, I continue to be in denial about addictions and idols that I have, which occupy the space in my heart that God wants to fill with mercy. Confession is practice in embracing the freedom of being wrong and letting God’s armies of love advance into the occupied territories of my heart that remain under self-justification.”

The whole post is worth reading.  I’ll probably still have periods of spiritual despair, for there are so many things out there (even in the Bible) that lead me to have that.  But I’m thankful for people who can provide a better way to look at issues.

"Obedience in Prayer"

My church had its Bible study last night.  We’re going through Jim Cymbala’s When God’s People Pray.  In last night’s lesson, “Obedience in Prayer,” the message I was hearing was that God will not bless us if we are holding on to our sins.  Such sins can include living together without being married, dishonesty in one’s finances, or such heart-sins as bitterness, unforgiveness of others, and “secret sexual sins.”  We went through Bible passages about God not hearing the prayers of those who hold on to their sins.

It was a discouraging lesson, at least to me.  One person in the group was trying to comfort me by saying that Isaiah 1:9 states that we should be willing and obedient—-not perfect, but willing to forsake sin and follow God.  That made me feel slightly better, but it did not entirely remove my discouragement.  What exactly counts as being willing?  And am I even willing, for that matter?  Am I willing to get rid of my sexual desire, as if that is even possible, considering it is a key part of human nature?  Am I willing to become “reconciled” with people I’d rather have nothing to do with?  Am I willing to stop being an introvert and to start being an extrovert (which some evangelicals define as love)?

I’ve had negative experiences with the sort of mindset that was being promoted last night.  One year, due to my social discomfort, I was not “reaching out” to my roommates in love, and so someone told me I was not following Jesus.  That entire year, I felt as if God did not like me, did not approve of me, did not really accept my worship.  The whole idea that I have to “obey” God for God to hear my prayers puts me into depression, for I can never “obey” God enough, at least not in the manner that many evangelicals would like.

These sorts of ideas put me into depression.  The thing is, many people in the non-Christian world do not understand it.  They think they should be able to feel good about themselves, even though they have sexual desire, or are not reconciled with every human being who has been in their lives.  They do not understand why anyone would think differently, and they would see the religious notions I have gotten over the years as psychologically unhealthy.  Well, they are, at least for me.  Other Christians don’t seem to have a problem with them.

And there’s not only me to consider.  Suppose people around me have grudges, for legitimate reasons?  Are their grudges hindering God’s blessing?  I’m not responsible for them, you might say?  Well, suppose God not blessing them impacts me?  And, since I care for them, I want for God’s blessing to be on them.  But I cannot tell them to forgive.  If I had been through what they had, I’d have difficulty forgiving, too.

There were some things in last night’s lesson with which I identified.  Jim Cymbala was saying that, when he has a fight with his wife before church, he feels a need to apologize to her before he prays there, otherwise his prayers might not be powerful.  He wants to preach the Gospel and minister to people powerfully.  He wants God’s presence in church.  For that to happen, he needs to pray.  But can he really pray when he is unreconciled with his wife?  Not really, according to him, so he needs to reconcile with her—-he needs to say he’s sorry.  I can identify with this, on some level, for, whenever I am mean to someone I love, I feel distant from God.

All of this said, I can understand why some people leave the Christian God and seek guidance, wisdom, and peace elsewhere.  It just seems that the Christian God demands too much of us.  We’re only human.

"The Amazing Power of Prayer"

For its Bible study, my church is going through When God’s People Pray, by Jim Cymbala.  Yesterday, we did Session 2, “The Amazing Power of Prayer.”

Here are some thoughts:

1.  Recently, in the blogosphere, there have been mainline Protestants who have been pretty down on prayer.  Or so it seems to me.  They see a distinction between praying about a situation and actually doing something to fix that situation.  Some commenters allege that prayer can be an excuse to avoid action: people can pray for people, without taking concrete steps to help them.

Jim Cymbala on the DVD that I watched last night, however, did not act as if prayer and actions were somehow at odds with each other.  Rather, he said that prayer can empower people to act.  And it can bless the actions.  Dwight Moody preached, but the Holy Spirit, in answer to people’s prayers, made his words weighty and effective.

2.  I was thinking overall about my church and whether it will practice the principles of the Bible study, or if this will just be another Bible study that we go through, in which we say the right things, but nothing really changes.  I think that people in the group recognize the importance of prayer.  One lady in the group, who is organizing the Vacation Bible School, says that this task needs prayer to succeed, for kids in the community have so many other things that they might want to do this summer than go to Vacation Bible School.  But will our church have a prayer meeting, of the sort that we see on the Bible study DVD?  I have my doubts.  That’s not part of our tradition.  Individuals in the church may value prayer.  They may even have a heritage of prayer—-the pastor talks about how his Welsh grandfather was a prayer warrior.  But will they gather together and deliver powerful, sermonic sorts of prayers?  I can’t see it.  It’s not due to a lack of commitment.  There are many people who show up at church every single Sunday, and Bible study often draws ten people or more.  But that’s gathering together to watch a program.  Gathering together to pray, though?  I have difficulty imagining that!  But they probably will pray at the start and close of meetings about the Vacation Bible School.

3.  Do I believe that prayer can grow a church?  I don’t know.  There are plenty of examples in which people in a church pray, and the church grows.  I one time went to a church that seemed to value prayer, however, and it did not grow.  Maybe the problem was that we did not stick with a prayer schedule.  Or perhaps the deal was that prayer was not enough, but we needed to go out and witness, as well.  The thing is, though, pastors guilt-tripping me into witnessing is a huge turn-off to me.  My impression as I watch our Bible study’s DVD is that Jim Cymbala’s Brooklyn Tabernacle does not guilt people into witnessing.  Still, people from that church do witness.  Perhaps prayer creates an attitude of joyfully wanting to share God’s love with others.

4.  On the DVD, Jim Cymbala was talking about a time when he had to speak in Indianapolis, and he was planning to give a message about God’s love.  But the Holy Spirit instead wanted him to give a message about the importance of prayer—-about how church has become a place where people show off their talents, when it should be a house of prayer for all peoples.  Jim wrestled the night before about giving that sermon.  He feared that it would be controversial.  His wife that night, who was in New York, woke up and called him, saying that she sensed that he needed prayer.  Jim delivered his message the next day, and it was a huge hit.  It has circulated around the world.  You can watch it here.

I don’t entirely understand why Jim was afraid to deliver his message.  Evangelical sermons often criticize how people do things.  Still, his message resonated to me.  Church should not be about showing off talent.  Rather, it should focus on God.  Yes, people have spiritual gifts and talents, and they should use those in church, but, ultimately, the focus should be on God.

5.  On the DVD, Jim said that the problem is not that prayer isn’t in schools, but that prayer isn’t in churches.  There were a couple of people who were not at the Bible study last night, and I wish that they had been there just to hear that.  They complain about prayer not being in schools.

Starting a New Bible Study: When God's People Pray

My church started a new Bible study last night: When God’s People Pray.  It is hosted by Jim Cymbala, pastor of the Brooklyn Tabernacle.

Here are some thoughts.  Warning: This will be a long post.

1.  I was struggling over whether or not to attend this Bible study, for a variety of reasons: ideological differences, social anxiety, a spiritual inferiority complex, wanting more time to read books, etc.  I was about to call my pastor yesterday morning to tell him that I didn’t need a ride to the Bible study, for I would not be going.  But something changed my mind.  I asked someone I know to check out her tarot cards (or something similar to that) so I could gain insight about whether or not to attend the Bible study, and she did so.  Her conclusion from the cards and the book accompanying them was that I may experience some discomfort at the Bible study, but that I will ultimately be glad that I went.

This was actually pretty ironic!  Not long ago, I was watching a YouTube clip of Pat Robertson answering questions that viewers sent him.  One question concerned tarot cards, and Pat was saying that people who consult them are hearing messages from the devil.  Another viewer asked how we can be sure that the Bible is not from the devil, since II Corinthians 11:14 states that Satan can transform himself into an angel of light.  Pat responded that the Bible coincides with good values, and he also said that the Bible promotes praising God, something that Satan would never support.  Well, according to his logic, Satan wants me to go to a Bible study!  Go figure!

Incidentally, the person who read the cards for me is quite disenchanted with organized religion.  She respects my church attendance, but she said that she herself would never go to a church Bible study, and that she could identify with why I was hesitant to go.  The fact, therefore, that she was encouraging me to attend the Bible study, notwithstanding my reservations, got my attention!

At Harvard Divinity School, I had to do field education for my M.Div. program, and I was part of a group in which students shared their experiences with each other and sought feedback.  We had to write papers in which we detailed an experience that concerned us, then referred to something (a story, an idea) in our religious tradition of which the experience reminded us.  Allow me to do that here!  Yesterday, I felt like King Saul, who went to the witch of Endor because he prayed to God and got no answer.  I liked the message from the tarot cards because they seemed to speak to my situation, and they appeared to be sympathetic about where I was.  Why don’t I ever get that from prayer, Bible study, or certain believers?  I wasn’t getting much from prayer, in this case.  I did an online search and found someone talking about her reservations about her church’s Bible study, and a pastor commented that she was selfish.  I needed something other than “Tough it out.”

Of course, I don’t want to believe that I am deciding between Christianity and something else.  What is interesting is that, after I heard the interpretation of the cards, I felt at peace, and I was then joyfully listening to Christian sermons.  Perhaps God can speak to people in all sorts of ways.

2.  The first session of the Bible study was all right.  A couple of people there were getting into a little debate about whether we had to ask God for something for God to do it for us, or if God may do it for us without us asking, since God already knows our needs.  One person was saying that God assists those who are trying to follow Christ’s teachings, but we watched on the DVD the story of someone whom God rescued, even though he wasn’t exactly following Christ’s teachings: he was a photographer for Vogue but ended up on the streets due to a drug habit, and he was hearing annoying or hostile voices in his head.  Yet, when he cried out to the Lord on his hospital bed, he began to experience healing.

Another question was whether God is more likely to answer prayers when a bunch of people are praying for something, as opposed to when just one person is praying.

One guy aptly said that you cannot put God in a box, since God is sovereign.  This was pretty ironic, coming from him.  He is a conservative evangelical.  He argued a while back that people who engage in homosexual conduct will not go to heaven, for I Corinthians 6:9 declares that homosexual offenders will not enter the Kingdom of God.  He said that we need to treat the words of the Bible in an absolute sense, otherwise what assurance does he have that he will go to heaven?  (His assurance depends on the Bible’s declaration that people are saved by trusting in Christ for salvation, which he does.)  Yet, he was saying that you cannot put God in a box!  My impression was that he often put God in a box!

Notwithstanding whatever disagreements I have with him, I agree that you cannot put God in a box.  I don’t believe that we have to pray for God to act on our behalf, for God can meet our needs without us even asking, but I think that prayer is useful, for reasons that people stated in the group: it allows us to depend on God, it builds our faith, it helps us to clarify to ourselves what our true needs are, etc.  On whether God is more likely to answer the prayers of a group rather than those of one individual, I agree with what one lady in the group said: that God can answer the prayer of only one person.  Still, God may choose to answer the prayer of a group to build that group’s faith.

3.  The church that I attend is Presbyterian.  We are not overly expressive when it comes to our religion.  One lady there was fondly recalling her time in a Pentecostal church, when she would get enthusiastic in worship or lift up her hands in adoration to the Lord.  She said that made her feel good, yet she is reluctant to lift up her hands at the Presbyterian church because people might start talking or look at her funny!  The pastor told her that she should never feel embarrassed about lifting up her hands, and he said that he himself did so during the worship service.  And he’s right about that: I’ve seen him lift up his hands on numerous occasions!

Ordinarily at Bible study, the pastor alone does the closing prayer.  But the pastor said that he hoped that we would eventually get more comfortable in the course of the study with adding our own prayers to the mix, however brief they might be.  We didn’t do that last night, but maybe we will as time progresses!  Personally, however, I prefer the status quo.  I don’t miss listening to mini-sermons or rebukes masquerading as prayers, as occurred in one small group I was in.

My pastor seems to admire evangelicalism and its passion and fervor, yet he realizes that our Presbyterian church is where it is.  I would say that there are times when our worship is lively, and times when it is not so much.  My approach to worship is rather contemplative: Often, I prefer to read the lyrics of a song rather than to sing them, for those old hymn’s lyrics can be rather deep!  But there are also times when I feel like moving my body to some rhythm!

4.  The pastor was asking about liberal churches and why they don’t seem to pray that much, at least not informally, in the sense of really talking to God.  The more evangelical person in the group responded that it was due to rote and tradition.  There was then a discussion about whether or not people in our general culture are aware of the human instinct to cry out to God.  Many people in the group thought not.  The evangelical mentioned a bumper sticker he saw that upset him: “If you don’t pray in my school, I won’t think in your church.”  He felt that Christians were besieged by atheists.

I did not entirely agree with the tone of this discussion.  I believe that liberal churches do pray, but not necessarily in the way that evangelicals do; my impression is that their prayers are more contemplative or meditative.  Moreover, I would say that people in society desire some guidance or communion with a higher power, even if they might not pursue it within the church.  I was thinking of expressing these points in the group, but I did not, either out of shyness, or a desire not to disturb the spiritual flow of the group with my ideological objections.  Unfortunately, I keep replaying in my mind what I wanted to say last night in the group!

Although I am against demonizing liberal churches or looking down on them, I do have to admit that I share my conservative friends’ impressions, in areas: It does not seem to me that liberal churches really do emphasize prayer, in the sense of asking God for provision or revival.  (I am open to correction on this.)  I remember Pastor Tim Keller in Manhattan saying that you don’t see revivals in Unitarian churches, and his point there may have been that God backs conservative Christianity.  I have wondered why mainline churches are dying whereas evangelical churches are growing.  I don’t believe that it is because evangelical churches have the truth, whereas mainline churches do not, for my impression is that there are areas in which mainline Protestantism is correct whereas conservative evangelicalism is not: I think of Biblical inerrancy and evolution.  Perhaps God blesses evangelical churches because they pray to him more: they want to make a positive difference in the world, they want to bring people to God, and so God honors their request.  Even if people become evangelicals and hold some wrong views, evangelicalism still brought them into a relationship with God, and God blesses its passion, fervor, prayers, and love for him.

UPDATE: On a related note, check out mainliner Aric Clark’s post about prayer on Rachel Held Evans’ blog.

Ramblings About Different Places, a Coming Bible Study, and Mother's Day

The church service at my church this morning focused on Christ as the good shepherd.  In the closing prayer, the pastor said that Christ knows all of our temperaments.

I was thinking about a similar issue as I was walking to church, and as I was walking back: that we are all in different places.  There are reasons that our hearts are closed, hard, and cold to what they’re closed, hard, and cold to, and that they’re warm, soft, and open to what they’re warm, soft, and open to.  I cannot control what other people believe or don’t believe, for there are reasons that they are where they are.  I can try to be a positive influence, whenever I can, but people are where they are.  But I do pray that God might minister to people wherever they are.  Does he?  Well, I don’t know.  Some testify that he does.  My heart, however, remains cold and hard to God and many people.

I can perhaps accept the belief that God is, somehow, a good shepherd.  This could be the case, even if there is suffering and death in this life, for God can shepherd people’s souls into the afterlife.  But Christianity also demands a subjective response on our part.  That is where I struggle: can I give the subjective response that God wants?

I’ll be going to my church’s Bible study this week.  The Bible Study group will be using the curriculum, When God’s People Pray.  The bulletin described the study as follows (and I do not know if it is quoting something): “Prayer can change lives and circumstances like nothing else can.  What are the keys that unlock its power, turn prayer from a mere activity into a vital link with God and all God’s resources?  In this 6-session DVD based study we will discover the power of God to restore hope, ignite faith, work miracles, and change lives—-through prayer.”

I certainly can improve my prayer life.  It is not that I don’t pray: I do often.  But I often feel that it is a mere activity, that I am not truly connecting with God.  And I felt this way when I was a fundamentalist, not just now.  Moreover, I wonder what exactly I am supposed to be expecting from prayer: that my outward circumstances will change, that God will strengthen me to cope with any circumstance, both of those things, or neither of them?  Maybe this study will give me insight.  Will I like or agree with everything I hear?  Probably not.  But my hope is that I will just experience life, with its highs and lows, rather than judging life, or getting worked up about it.  And I will blog about the study.  My posts will probably not be widely liked or disliked, but they will get read.  How do I know?  Because all of them do, by at least someone.

Anyway, those are my ramblings for the day.  I wish those celebrating Mother’s Day a Happy Mother’s Day.  I am thankful to my Mom for her love for me.  If anyone models to me God’s love and patience (assuming God is a God of unconditional, or overwhelming, love), it’s her.

Coping with Negativity

My mind can easily go in a negative direction.  Lately, I have addressed that problem by praying in my mind.  And my prayers in this case have not been me complaining to God about my situation, for that is negative thinking.  Nor, on the contrary, have they been me trying to reassure myself with positive thoughts that I do not truly believe.  Rather, I have been asking God to fill me with love, joy, and peace.  I have been asking him to bless me.  I have been asking him to help me not to despise certain people.  When my mind turns to my flaws and I begin to feel hopeless, I ask God to help me to be a better person in the areas that are perplexing me.  And I have prayed for others, too, when their needs and desires have come to my attention.  Some of my requests are pretty outrageous, but, hey, I’m putting the ball in God’s court!  Maybe he’ll answer as I want, and maybe he won’t!  My goal is mainly to get through the day without feeling rage or depression.  Prayer has enabled me to interrupt my negative thoughts and to replace them with some hope, or (when I pray for others) love.

So far, so good!  Or at least, so far, not so bad!  There are times when more heavy-duty prayer is needed: when I need to go to my room, close the door, and speak my prayer aloud for ten minutes, maybe longer.  These are times when there is a lingering bitterness inside of me that is not necessarily being caused by thoughts that are in the forefront of my mind.  It is just there, in the background, sowing its seeds of discontent.  In those times, I need to take a time-out and interrupt my bitterness with prayer.  I need to tell God—-aloud, so that my prayer is focused and is the main object of my attention at the moment—-what it is that is bothering me.  But, in times when my mind is just wandering and moves in a negative direction, I find that just interrupting my thoughts with prayers of request has worked.  Or at least it has for the past week.

There is a place for talking things out with others, too.  I am not as comfortable doing so, maybe because I fear being judged, or I fear being told that nothing is wrong when there is, or I fear hearing certain advice that in the past I have not found particularly helpful.  But one reason that talking things out with others has worked for me in the past (at least sometimes) is that it allows me to put some things into perspective: I am not a bad person just because I am struggling with a social encounter, the other person is not bad either, here are some suggestions on what I can do, here is a better way to see the situation, I am not alone in my struggles because others have them too, etc.

I am not suggesting these ideas as a cure-all for everybody.  I am just sharing what I have done.  If it resonates with you, I am happy.  If it does not, I hope and pray that you find your own way to cope with yourself and the world around you, if you have not already.

Prayer for Others: Meaningful, or Like Reading a Phone Book?

At church this morning, someone from a local mission spoke to us.  He said that the mission needs prayers because one day is not like another, and each day it serves two-hundred meals.

Should I pray for the mission daily?  I’m reluctant to pray for anyone daily, since then it becomes perfunctory.  I used to pray for certain people each day, and it became like reading a phone book.  I also wonder when (or if) I can drop someone off of my prayer list: do I have to pray for so-and-so for the rest of my natural life?  The list could get really long if that is the case, or I would be hesitant to add people to the list!

I find it more meaningful, heart-felt, sincere, and empathetic on my part when I pray for someone right after that person comes to my mind.  For example, I heard about the mission this morning, and so I prayed for the mission then, or I pray for it whenever it comes to my mind.  I trust that God can bring to my remembrance people for me to pray for, and that any prayer that I offer can be effective.

Perhaps that sounds selfish on my part, but that’s how I pray for others, in this season of my life.

Praying Before Entering a Situation

At church this morning, the pastor emeritus was talking about praying before entering a situation, and knowing that God is with us through it.

I am believing in that more nowadays than I have in the past.  Maybe that’s because I am not in stressful social or academic settings as much nowadays.  In the past, I would pray at the beginning of the day, and the day would still turn out pretty badly.  But I am finding that, at least currently, praying does put my mind into a more positive state.  That is helpful in a time when my main enemy is myself and my own resentments, my disappointments, and my fears.

A wise lady said something years ago that has popped into my mind more than once in recent days.  She said that one way she copes with the day is by resolving at the beginning of each day that a certain situation will not get her down.  That allows her to feel more empowered.  I think that sort of approach can help me, in that I can resolve to be prepared for whatever situation I may face, rather than allowing it to take me by surprise.  The thing is, though, we can’t be prepared for everything that we will encounter each day.  But that’s why retrospective prayer and reflection can be important.

Psalm 119: Shin/Sin

I have three items for my write-up today on Psalm 119: Shin/Sin.

1.  Psalm 119:164 states (in the KJV): "Seven times a day do I praise thee because of thy righteous judgments."


Some believe that the Psalmist praised God seven literal times each day.  Rashi actually tries to map those times out: "In the morning, twice before the reading of 'Shema' and once after it, and in the evening, twice before it and twice after it" (see here).  Keil-Delitzsch say that Psalm 55:17 appears to suggest three times a day for prayer, and they contend that the Psalmist in Psalm 119:164 is saying that he has even gone beyond that!  

There are others, however, who do not interpret the seven times in a literal fashion.  The Jewish exegetes Radak and Ibn-Ezra interpret the seven times to mean constantly.  And W.O.E. Oesterley says that "seven was often used as an indefinite number of times..."

I don't try to make myself pray seven times a day.  I also can't say that I pray "constantly."  But I do believe that it is beneficial for me to make my relationship with God a part of my day, and to focus on the positive aspects of God's character (i.e., God's righteousness, God's love) rather than my discontent.  What is interesting in this section is that the Psalmist is continually praising God for his righteous judgments in a time when princes are persecuting him.  I've heard people talk about the importance of praising God in the midst of difficulties.  Sometimes, this is advertised as a path to a breakthrough, things becoming better.  Well, maybe things get better, or maybe they don't necessarily.  I can look back at times when I would sing praise songs, and that didn't exactly make my life go the way that I wanted!  Still, I can identify with clinging to God in the midst of problems.

2.  Psalm 119:165 is one of my favorite passages of Scripture.  It states: "Great peace have they which love thy law: and nothing shall offend them."

I am an easily offended person.  But suppose that I loved God's law and studied it more?  Would I be as offended by what people say or do, specifically when it's directed at me?  I am drawn to the concept of being so at peace that I am not offended by others.  That would strike some people as rather escapist: that I would study the Bible in an attempt to escape dealing with real life.  Well, we all should try to deal with real life!  But focusing one's attention on something positive can be a good coping mechanism.  In my opinion, a little escapism is not necessarily a bad thing!

Does the Psalmist's love for God's law lead him never to be offended, though?  In Psalm 119:163, he states: "I hate and abhor lying: but thy law do I love."  The Psalmist obviously is offended by something: lying.  When we draw closer to God, what can (or should) happen is that the things that break God's heart break our hearts, too.  Still, I'd like to think that occupation with God's law does not lead solely to discouragement about the state of the world, but allows one to elevate one's thoughts to something or someone higher.  Moreover, I would hope that occupation with God would lessen one's pettiness, especially when that pettiness does not relate to the grand battle between good and evil.

Augustine had an interesting interpretation of Psalm 119:165.  He said that its point is that the Psalmist loves God's law, and nothing in Scripture offends him.  When the law appears to be absurd, Augustine says, the Psalmist recognizes that his own understanding is limited, and that there is some "great meaning hidden" (see here).  I have long heard something similar within fundamentalist or conservative evangelical circles: that I should trust the Bible's inerrancy, even when a passage appears wrong or revolting to me, because that passage may be true or make sense in a way that I do not currently see.  Maybe there's something to this.  In the same way that I shouldn't make hasty judgments about people based on limited information, I shouldn't be quick to dismiss Scripture when it violates my sensibilities, for there may be something deeper.  But I have a question: How can the Bible benefit me right now, when my current understanding of it is imperfect?  Can an infallible Bible (assuming it is infallible) help those who read it so fallibly?

Psalm 119:165 may be about being offended, or it may be about something else.  I read interpreters who said that the message of Psalm 119:165 is that those who love God's law will avoid moral stumblingblocks, or the stumblingblock of divine punishment for sin.  The Hebrew word translated in Psalm 119:165 as "offend" can mean such things (i.e., Ezekiel 7:19; 14:3-4, 7; Jeremiah 6:21; etc.).  I do agree that adhering to a righteous path can enable one to avoid problems that unrighteousness can bring.  It doesn't mean a problem-free life, but I do have to admit that behaving in an unrighteous manner can result in steep consequences, which I would rather avoid.

3.  Psalm 119:168 says: "I have kept thy precepts and thy testimonies: for all my ways are before thee."

One interpretation of this that I read was that the Psalmist keeps God's law because God is omniscient.  I wonder if this portrays God as a sort of Santa Clause, who judges people according to their behavior: you better watch out, you better not cry, etc.  I'd like to think that the Psalmist's relationship with God goes beyond that, that the Psalmist sincerely loves God and God's laws, as opposed to obeying God because God is watching his every move and may strike him down if he does wrong.  Psalm 119 talks a lot, after all, about love for God's law.  Consider Psalm 119:162: "I rejoice at thy word, as one that findeth great spoil."

Another interpretation I read is that the Psalmist is saying to God that he has kept God's law, and he is appealing to God's omniscience to argue to God that God should know that he (the Psalmist) is keeping God's law.  I think of John 21:17: Jesus is asking Peter more than once if Peter loves him, and Peter eventually responds that Jesus knows that he loves him.

I'd like to see Psalm 119:168 more in light of a love-relationship with God, however: God knows my ways because he cares for me, and I in turn love God back and try to walk in God's ways.

Leaders 3

A theme that came up more than once in my latest reading of Richard Nixon's Leaders was alcohol.  Here are some stories that Nixon tells:

----Page 143: "[German leader Konrad Adenauer] had other weapons besides the cold steel of logic, however.  When a cabinet meeting grew difficult, he would sometimes suspend debate for a while and pass around a bottle of wine.  After a few glassfuls and some friendly small talk, he would resume the meeting.  The opposition would then be substantially less resolute."

----Page 155: "[Soviet leader Nikita] Khrushchev was then relatively new to power and unfamiliar with the leaders he would be confronting in the free world.  He was clearly intent upon testing Adenauer's mettle.  During one banquet he proposed a seemingly endless series of toasts to see whether the seventy-nine-year-old Adenauer, so intractable at the negotiating table, could be worn down by liquor.  Though he preferred wine to vodka, Adenauer had a stomach as well as a will of iron.  After fifteen toasts he was still both upright and alert----alert enough, in fact, to notice that Khrushchev had been drinking water.  The next morning Adenauer confronted Khrushchev with the tongue-in-cheek suggestion that any man who would do such a thing could not be trusted.  Surprised to find that he had been caught in the act, Khrushchev could only laugh."

Page 188: "The table was laden with every manner of Russian delicacy and soft and hard drinks.  Despite his well-deserved reputation for drinking heavily, Khrushchev only sampled the array of vodka and wine.  He appreciated good food and drink.  But just as his famed temper was always his servant and not his master, his drinking on this occasion was strictly for pleasure and was never permitted to interfere with business.  He was cold sober throughout our long afternoon of talks."

Alcohol can indeed be conducive to camaraderie and socializing in a relaxed manner.  I one time heard a person with Asperger's Syndrome talk about how he did not really fit in with his Irish extended family----until they started to get drunk together.  Then, they could have fun and bond with each other.

But alcohol can also hinder some people from doing the business that they need to do.  Khrushchev did not want to get drunk when negotiating because he wanted for his mind to be alert and sharp during that time.  And, speaking of the negative effects that drinking lots of alcohol can bring, that one person with Asperger's whom I discussed in my above paragraph eventually decided to quit drinking, for he thought that he was degenerating into a sour alcoholic.

I used to drink for a variety of reasons.  I drank socially because I hoped that it would loosen me up in social settings.  Social settings make me nervous.  I tend to clam up within them, which is not particularly attractive to people and which can even draw mockery.  Drinking helped me to loosen up, to relax, and to talk more.  Did that make me more attractive to people?  To some people it did, and to some people it didn't.  One person told me I was fun when I was drinking, which was probably true because I loosened up when I was drunk, whereas when I was not drinking I was more stiff, reserved, formal, and guarded.  But not everyone likes to be around someone who's drunk and who's saying a lot of silly things with bombast.  Come to think of it, I myself don't, particularly.

But I drank even more in solitude.  The reason was that it made me feel better.  I have Asperger's Syndrome, and what that means is that I don't do too well socially.  I have a history of not fitting in and of being rejected by people, and I become resentful when I think back about that.  I also have fear about the future: how will I make a living in the future if I have a hard time getting people to like me?  Drinking was a way for me to self-medicate.  And it got to the point where no amount was enough.  I would go through a six-pack on certain nights and still want more.  I could identify with something that Leo McGarry said on an episode of The West Wing: he kept on drinking because he wanted that feeling to go on!  But waking up with a hangover was no fun.  I think of what Scotty said on that episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation: never get drunk unless you're willing to pay for it the next morning!

I decided to stop drinking, and I have been sober for what I consider to be a respectable number of years----though, regardless of how many years that one is sober, it's always one-day-at-a-time.  What do I do now that I don't drink?  How do I do socially?  How do I cope with my resentments about the past and my fears about the future?  How do I self-medicate?

Socially-speaking, I'm not as nervous now as I used to be when talking with people.  But I still can be rather stiff, formal, and reserved.  I doubt that I would be the life of the party were I to go to a party.  By and large, my policy about a lot of social gatherings that I have to attend is "suit up and show up."  I show up, do my duty, and I leave.  Sometimes, I can end up having enjoyable, interesting conversations with people.  Sometimes, I just want to rush to the door!  I'm just speaking for myself, and there are plenty of people within recovery groups who would tell you that they became more fun----more happy, joyous, and free----when they quit drinking and did the spiritual work on themselves that would help them to stay sober.  That's fine (even though I get rather sick of people bragging about how happy and spiritual they are), but it's just not me.  Come to think of it, though, I do have a little more serenity now that I don't drink.  I'm not the life of the party, but I do have a quiet, flat sort of peace.  One thing I will add: I'm not sure if my social mettle has been truly tested over the past couple of years.  My Mom and her husband accept me, even though I am quiet.  I go to church, and there are plenty of people at the pot-lucks who themselves are quiet, so I don't feel out-of-place being quiet.  That doesn't mean that I feel compelled to throw myself into hyper-social situations, though.

How do I cope with my resentments about the past and my fears about the future?  This is still a struggle for me, to tell you the truth.  Many within recovery groups find that working with a mentor or a sponsor is helpful.  It can be.  I don't do that as much nowadays, since I'm not really in recovery groups, due to my struggle to fit in at them.  But I did find one time that talking with my pastor really helped me.  I was nervous about a social event that was coming up, which I had to attend, and my pastor gave me encouragement.  It's good when you can find someone who's rooting for you and can give you guidance to hang on to within a tough setting.  Another way that I cope is through prayer and Bible reading, and, the more I feel resentful on a given day, the more I pray and read the Bible.  That doesn't necessarily solve my problems, to tell you the truth, but it does help me to alleviate feelings of resentment or fear that I may have.