Not long ago, I was reading a post that was critical of the
institutional church. Someone was saying that she felt alienated and
alone when attending church. A pro-church commenter then rushed in,
saying that we should focus more on what we give rather than what we get
in church: that we should be proactive in reaching out to lonely people
rather than expecting for others to reach out to us. An anti-church
commenter then dismissed that, saying that he was told that all his life
by people who could not have cared less about him.
What that pro-church commenter said was long a turn-off to me, for
the simple reason that I did not know how to reach out to others. And,
in some settings, you may get funny looks if you try to reach out to
somebody else. This may be the case at a megachurch, where many people
do not know one another. In addition, I do believe that there is such a
thing as beating a dead horse. If you are at a church, you want to be
accepted as part of the community, and people at that church will not
accept you, even if you do give and serve, then why stay? Try to find a
place that is more welcoming!
At the same time, I do not thoroughly dismiss what the pro-church
commenter was saying—-as a sermon to myself, not necessarily to anyone
else. I know that I have often been concerned about receiving—-are
others reaching out to me? I have been blessed when I have had
opportunities in churches to reach out to others: to help them to feel
less alone when they go to a church. In those cases, I can be part of
the solution. There is something to be said for being outwardly
focused, rather than inwardly focused.
I know that many of us are tired of glib, routine, cliche “answers”
by Christians, for these “answers” appear insensitive and dismissive of
our pain. But I believe that I should not allow my cynicism to dismiss
those answers thoroughly. Perhaps they have something to teach me.
Whether they can teach someone else, well, that is for that person to
decide!