In the past, I have fasted on the Day of Atonement, since I grew up
in a version of Christianity in which people did so. For the past two
years, however, I have not. And I am not fasting today. Why not? In
the past, it may have been because I felt that I, as a New Covenant
Christian, was not required to do so. Nowadays, I really don't care
about that, for I'm skeptical of many attempts to organize the writings
of the Bible into some grand, unified message, as if the Bible speaks
with one voice and propounds a consistent "theology." Consequently, I
tend to greet most statements that begin with "The Bible says" with
skepticism. This year, I'm not fasting because I just plain don't want
to. In the past, what fasting on the Day of Atonement meant for me was
being hungry and thirsty for 24 hours and looking at the clock to see
when the day would end. This was the case, even if I incorporated
spiritual exercises into the Day. I don't believe that I have to fast
to have a better relationship with God----to be reminded of spiritual
and moral lessons, to remember that God loves me, or to reflect on what I
should and should not be doing. Heck, at this point in my life, I feel
that I get spirituality from watching good TV shows! Why should I put
myself through a ritual?
I've wondered in
the past why the ancient Israelites were required to fast on the Day of
Atonement. The answers that I usually heard was that fasting reminds
people of their limitations, that it is a manifestation of humility, and
that doing it shows God that one takes his repentance and need for
God's forgiveness seriously. On the first, I don't need to fast to be
reminded of my limitations. Getting a headache reminds me of that! On
the second and third reasons, I think of what Moses said in the 1956
movie, The Ten Commandments: "Does this god demand a scarred back and broken hands as the price of his favor?"
The
thing is, I respect some of the people who are fasting on this day,
looking for a profound spiritual experience. I know one lady who
converted to Reconstructionist Judaism, and she wrote yesterday that she
was looking forward to fasting. The same goes for a number of Jewish
people I know. And, as I look back, I have had good Days of Atonement.
I would take the day off from school (if my school didn't already give
students the day off, as the Jewish schools did), I wouldn't do any
homework, and I would fast. I'd either go to a Jewish Hillel service,
or I would watch movies that edified me, or I would study Scripture. It
was a change of pace for me, and it was a ritual that kept me grounded,
in a sense. Those were good times. But I'm just not in that place
right now. Maybe I'll be in the place again sometime in the future.
I'm just not inclined today to refrain from food and water, to remind
myself of all of my faults, and to beat myself up just because I fall
short of some perfect standard.