I started M. Scott Peck's The Road Less Traveled: A New Psychology of Love, Traditional Values and Spiritual Growth.
This book is the first of a trilogy. I have the second book in the
series, but not the third. I'll probably blog through the second book,
but I won't obligate myself to blog through the third book. For one,
I'm pretty stingy right now in terms of spending money, so I don't want
to buy the third book. And, second, by the time that I finish the
second book, I may want to move on to something else.
When I
thumbed through the first book of the series, I wondered if I would be
able to adapt to Peck's writing style. The second book of the series
actually looked a lot more lucid than the first book! But I got into
the first book, and I found that I was reading it without any problem.
Actually, I enjoy Peck's anecdotes, and also his recognition that all of
us (including himself) have flaws and are on a journey.
There
were a number of things in my latest reading of Peck that resonated with
me, but I don't want to get too personal on this blog, for a variety of
reasons (i.e., I don't want to inadvertently insult anyone I know, I
don't want potential employers to come onto my blog and read about my
flaws, etc.). But I'll still comment about things that I read.
My
latest reading was about discipline. I didn't finish that section, but
Peck presented interesting thoughts in what I did get around to
reading. For one, Peck says that there are many who are undisciplined
procrastinators because as children they did not have a loving home
life, and so they went into the world with fear and suspicion: they felt
that they had to have fun first and work later because they feared that
they might not be able to have fun later! Second, Peck distinguishes
between neurotics and those who are character-disordered. According to
Peck, the former blame themselves, whereas the latter refuse or fail to
take responsibility and blame others. Peck states that most people are a
combination of the two (neurotic and character-disordered). Peck also
criticizes ignoring problems in hope that they'll go away, for he is a
strong proponent of problem-solving.
I don't consider myself to be
a sage when it comes to how to live life, so please keep that in mind
when you read my critiques of Peck's thoughts. Peck is probably right
most of the time, but I can only process what he is saying through my
own way of seeing the world, however flawed that is. Let's take Peck's
first point about the importance of a loving home in instilling people
with confidence. Peck may have a point there, but it's possible to grow
up in a loving home and to still go out into the world with fear and
suspicion. The reason is that this world can be a cold place. Even if
you're loved at home and people in your family are impressed by you,
that doesn't mean that the outside world will like you or recognize your
talents. Could a loving home set people up for disappointment by
making them think that the world is a warm, loving place? Perhaps. At
the same time, I do agree with Peck that a loving home can instill
people with confidence and the willingness to try, whereas an unloving
home can deprive them of those things. Even if the world can be a cold
place, it's better to go into it with a leg-up rather than burdens, and a
loving home can provide that leg-up.
On Peck's second
point----about blaming oneself, blaming others, and ignoring
problems----I'll admit that this is an area in which I struggle. I hear
so many different things from gurus, that I don't know whom to heed.
Therapists have told me that I'm too hard on myself. Others, however,
emphasize the importance of me looking for where I was at fault in a
number of situations. Some tell me not to fret about certain problems
or obsess about them, and I find that heeding their advice helps my own
peace of mind. But others tell me that I have to solve my problems
rather than ignoring them and hoping that they'll go away. In my
opinion, though, I shouldn't try to solve certain problems. Some people
won't like me, regardless of what I do or don't do. Should I fret
about that, or stress out over trying to appease those people? I don't
think so.
I think that the competing pieces of advice that I have
heard highlights the value of therapy. When should I criticize myself,
and when should I not? Can I solve such-and-such a problem? If so,
what are some steps that I can take? What to do and how to approach a
situation may vary on a case-by-case basis. A therapist can provide you
with feedback. Moreover, I think that it's your choice what to do with
your problems. If you can live with your problems and you don't want
to try to solve them, why not just let them be? But if you are tired of
repeatedly hitting your head against the wall, perhaps you should seek
advice.