Last night, I read pages 792-798 of Stephen King’s The Stand: The Complete and Uncut Edition. Harold Lauder is continuing his plot of trying to gain acceptance from the Free Zone, before he goes to the villain Randall Flagg and betrays it. Harold volunteers to clean up the dead bodies in Boulder because he realizes that the best-liked and most trusted in a community are those who do the dirty job that nobody else wants to do—-and with a smile on their face.
But Harold is beginning to feel genuine camaraderie with his co-workers, who call him “Hawk”. Before, Harold’s inside did not match his outside, for, while his outside was friendly, gregarious, and concerned for others, his inside was resentful, cold, uncaring about people, and contemptuous, as when Harold reflected that most people in the Free Zone were not overly smart in looking for Mother Abagail, since finding her was an exercise in futility. After all, there were thousands of square miles of plains and forests around Boulder where Mother Abagail could have gone, and she may not have even left Boulder, for she could be staying in one of the houses, where people would not look. (Presumably, she’d go out and get food at night.)
But, now, and at least temporarily, Harold’s outside is matching his inside. He realizes that he could be an asset to the group, and that he has found a place where he is accepted. His past of being a fat, pimply nerd whom nobody likes is just that—-past—-and the people around him now do not know about it, nor would they care if they did. On page 797, Harold thinks: “All of a sudden the old grudges, the old hurts, and the unpaid debts seemed as worthless as the paper money choking all the cash registers of America.” But Harold struggles with a thought: if he was strong enough to resist the ill opinions people had of him, shouldn’t he likewise be strong enough to resist people’s good opinion of him?
This thought actually resonated with me when I read it, and I’m thinking of some reasons for that right now. I want to be strong, whether people like me or not. Stoicism had the same sort of concept: having a peace of mind notwithstanding one’s surroundings. I do not want to be a slave to people’s approval of me, and one reason is that people’s approval of me is not a guarantee.
But, in my opinion, it’s good to enjoy people while they do approve of me. And it’s also important for me to appreciate those who love me for me, such as my family. When I have to be strong to resist those who don’t like me, it’s an endurance test and a struggle against pain. But it’s smoother when people like me, or when there is camaraderie.