Guilt

At church this morning, our usual pastor was not there, for he and his wife are on vacation, and so the Pastor Emeritus (Pastor John) spoke to us. Pastor John told us a story about his seminary days. A fellow seminarian had lived with another woman besides his wife, and he felt as if he could not be forgiven by God. John told him that the blood of Christ could cleanse him even of that sin, but the man was not convinced. Finally, John told him that the Holy Spirit would have to reveal to him that God could forgive his adultery.

I’m different from that man in the sense that, while I have done some stupid things in my life, I have never committed a sin that I felt God could not forgive. I have wrestled with Bible passages in which Jesus says that God won’t forgive us if we don’t forgive others, for I struggle with resentment and an unforgiving attitude, but, in the end, I think it’s pointless for me to conclude that God does not forgive me. I mean, what’s the point of having that kind of attitude? How does it help me to move on with my life and be better?

But if I committed adultery or, say, took someone’s life, either in a fit of rage or accidentally, I would probably have a hard time believing that God would forgive me. I’d feel that I did not deserve forgiveness, and that I needed to be punished for the scales to be even (if they could be even). I’d be like Susan on last week’s episode of Desperate Housewives, who felt guilty that she helped bury the man Carlos killed (who was threatening his wife), and she tried to deal with her guilt by committing minor misdeeds so she could receive some punishment.

How can one deal with guilt? What if one doesn’t want to deal with it because she feels she deserves punishment? Pastor John may be on to something: we can try to reassure that person, but, in the end, God may have to reveal to him or her that he offers forgiveness. I hope that God brings people that kind of healing.