I just got back from Latin mass. This will be my last one for some time, since I'll be moving to New York this week. I'm not sure if there's a Latin mass close to where I will live. I'm not even sure what my church life will be like when I'm in New York---or even if I'll find a place to worship where I am comfortable. (Yes, feeling comfortable is important to me. I'm sure Christians will line up and tell me that this shouldn't be a factor in where I decide to attend church. Too bad. It's one of my top factors.) We'll have to see.
One thing that's amazing: I've often felt reluctant to move. I was happy to move right after I graduated from high school, both because I didn't enjoy high school that much, and also because my family had its share of drama. (I love them, and I enjoyed visiting them on my breaks from college, or even on weekends. But they had their share of drama!) But, starting with my time at DePauw University, I wasn't too eager to move.
At DePauw, I enjoyed JC, a Christian group that drew lots of people and had fantastic praise-and-worship. When I was in Massachussetts going to Harvard, I didn't find anything like JC, but I attended a church that was warm and friendly, and that fed me with good Caribbean food. When I was in New York, I attended Redeemer and the New York Metro Adventist Forum. I was hesitant to leave New York because I doubted that any preacher could top Tim Keller, or that I could find a church as open and as intellectual as the New York Metro Adventist Forum. When I was in Cincinnati, however, I made friends in a twelve-step recovery group, and I went to Latin mass, where I learned new things.
I have often been hesitant to leave my old life behind to start a new life. But I started my new life. It wasn't exactly like the old life that I was leaving behind, and yet it was still good, in its own way.
I'm not sure to what extent I will miss Latin mass. I felt a bit of agoraphobia about going to church this morning, maybe because I haven't gone for the past three weeks, even on Christmas. Today, we had bald Tom Bosley priest, and, quite frankly, I wasn't following his homily all that well. I couldn't get what he was driving at. He lamented that only thirty per cent of Catholics believe that the bread and the wine literally become the body and the blood of Jesus Christ. To be honest, I really don't give a rip.
Some of the literature that I read in church was good, though. The bulletin talked about Mary, Joseph, and Jesus fleeing to Egypt from Herod, and it asked if Joseph was able to find work. It said that this family survived because it put its trust in God. This resonated with me, for I hope that I find some job in New York, so that I can start paying off my student loan debt.
The bulletin also said that today is the Feast of the Holy Family, which "celebrates how the humanity of Jesus (including his entire family life) has brought saving significance into the daily rhythms of our human family life." This is also relevant to where I am now, for, soon, I'll be living with people: my Mom and her husband. I haven't lived with people for some time, so this will take some getting used to---on the part of me, and probably also on the part of my Mom and her husband. When I became a Christian---which was in my sophomore year of high school---I tried to become a better family member: to serve around the house, to ignore my sister's taunts, etc. But I learned that I really had to be proactive in keeping up that sort of behavior, for it to last. And, over the years, my tolerance for people has decreased.
I'm not sure if I any longer view my family life in terms of spirituality. In New York, if I'm asked to serve around the house, then I will serve, for that's the least that I can do; it won't be a matter of me acting like Jesus before my family, as if I can even do that. If I have issues, I hope that I'll be able to express them in a rational manner. I may have to have some time outside of the house, as I attend twelve-step meetings, or see a therapist. I may also need quite a bit of down-time by myself. There was a time when I lived with people---several years ago---and I can do so again.
That said, I doubt I'll be writing another blog post today about The Bible As a Human Witness to Divine Revelation. I'll save that for tomorrow morning. See you then!