For me, it's still Tuesday night. I'm not sure if I'll be in upstate New York on Friday in time to post on my blog, and so I'll be writing Friday's post on Tuesday---which, for me, is tonight. Again, I ask for your patience if your comment does not appear for a few days. It will appear once I'm settled in!
I recently posted Russell Miller's post, Beyond livid, on an online forum, and a conservative Christian friend of mine astutely responded: "Sometimes, we need to find a home before we find a church."
That's a pretty thought-provoking statement, and I find that to be true in my own life. Of course, I have a home---and I'm loved within it---so I don't want to give the impression that I'm discontent with my family. I love my family. But where my Christian friend's comment resonates with me is as follows: I've found that, in order to fit in within the church, it helps if I have a sense of inner peace and security. Otherwise, I tend to repel people rather than draw them to me. And I'm not writing this as a sermon to others, telling them that they should have inner peace in order to draw others to them. I don't have a lot of inner peace, even as I write this post. I'm better nowadays than I was a few years ago, mind you, but I still don't have the inner peace to walk into a church, feel comfortable, ingratiate myself among the "right" people, and actually BELONG!
But shouldn't church be like a home? Don't churches advertise themselves as such when they proclaim that they are hospitals for sinners---which means that we should feel free to come to church just as we are? But even my conservative Christian friend seems to acknowledge that home and church are two different entities. Church requires me to do certain things in order to fit in. Home is where I fit in already, just by being part of the family. When I go home to be with my family, I know that I'm at home. When I go to church, I don't feel as if I'm at home.
But Christians talk like Christians should automatically feel at home among other Christians. They act like there's some automatic bond between two Christians, just because they happen to believe in the same doctrines. They assume that two Christians are part of the same family, and see each other as such. Going back to the founder of Christianity, there are times when Jesus encourages his disciples to place him above their earthly families---and Jesus even redefines his family as those who do the will of God.
I have a hard time feeling a bond with Christians on account of a common belief (even in the days when I had that belief, or at least held it more strongly than I do today), or viewing Christians as my family. My family loves me and accepts me, regardless of what I do or what I do or don't believe. Christians accept me if I believe and behave as they do. So pardon me if I love my earthly family more than my Christian brothers and sisters!