At my Latin mass this morning, we had the priest who speaks about love. He said that Christ has transformed the flesh of Christians such that they've become new creations---righteous people. He also lamented that there is not much civility in today's discourse, compared to the "good old days." I could identify with him here, especially after the Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert rally calling for sanity. But then the priest used an example that rubbed me the wrong way: he said that, back in the old days, people treated the monsignor as if he were divine! Personally, I think it's good that we don't put religious leaders on so high a pedestal: nowadays, if they try to order people around, people will tell them where to go!
I also found that I had problems with the priest's statement that Christ has transformed the flesh of Christians. It's the same problem I have had on a Christian lady's site: she and commenters say that recovery groups can't save us, for only Jesus Christ can do that. My problem is that Christianity did not transform me when I was gun-ho evangelical---deep into my quiet times and church attendance and praise and worship, along with the other rituals of evangelical Christianity (some of which I still do). But things like therapy and recovery groups helped me to find my way, as flawed as I still am, and as far as I still have to go.
I'm not saying that my experience is universal. There are people in recovery communities who bang their heads against the wall, until they make a decision for Christ and then begin to experience genuine transformation. Christianity has brought transformation to many. But I have a hard time identifying with those who say that only Christ brings transformation, for I don't believe that my Christian faith really changed me when I was really into it.
Part of the problem was that I had difficulty becoming a part of evangelical communities. Right now, I have mentors. In evangelical Christianity, I didn't so much. It was difficult for me to walk into a church and to fit in. And I can't totally blame others, for I was afraid to become friends with Christians. I feared they would ask me to do things that I did not want to do (e.g., witness, reach out to others). I had bad experiences with Christians who tended to make the perfect the enemy of the good, and so I shyed away from Christians in churches.
I also had issues with evangelical small groups. I never knew how to act in them! I still don't, to tell you the truth. I talked, and people thought I was spiritually-immature. I didn't talk, and people didn't like that either. I just couldn't please people! In recovery groups, however, I can just go, sit down, and listen. And nobody makes a big deal about that.
I believe in a higher power who can transform me. But, because of my fruitless experiences in Christianity, I have problems interpreting that higher power within a Christian context. Still, I find myself saying on numerous occasions, "Jesus, give me love," or "Jesus, give me peace," or "Jesus, give me strength."