After this last week's Lost episode, I thought about Ken Brown's post from May 30, 2008, Selfishness and Sacrifice on LOST.
Ken compares and contrasts Jack and Sawyer. Jack started out as a selfless leader, but he degenerated to become a drunk who's not too eager to help anybody. Sawyer began as a selfish jerk, but now he's a pillar of his community who looks out for the interests of others.
Ken draws from this the lesson that selflessness is a continuing demand:
"It doesn’t matter how noble Jack was, unless he continues to be so. It doesn’t matter how selfish Sawyer was; for today he can make a new start. Virtue is never satisfied with the past, but awaits each new decision. No one can rest on their past deeds as proof of their character or hope, and no one is so far lost that they can’t find their way home."
Ezekiel 18:21-24 has a similar idea: "But if the wicked turn away from all their sins that they have committed and keep all my statutes and do what is lawful and right, they shall surely live; they shall not die. None of the transgressions that they have committed shall be remembered against them; for the righteousness that they have done they shall live...But when the righteous turn away from their righteousness and commit iniquity and do the same abominable things that the wicked do, shall they live? None of the righteous deeds that they have done shall be remembered; for the treachery of which they are guilty and the sin they have committed, they shall die" (NRSV).
What went through my mind was this: How did Jack get to his current state of selfishness? And how did Sawyer evolve to his role as a selfless, responsible leader? To tell you the truth, I can picture myself in both situations!
Let's take Jack. Selfless leaders can easily get burnt out! Jack always felt responsible for others, and that's a heavy burden for anyone to bear. People died because he made some pretty bad decisions, and now he's racked with guilt, which makes him reluctant to help anybody. Add to that the feelings he may have that people did not really appreciate his good deeds. Right now, he seems to be relieved that he doesn't have to make the heavy decisions, but he also resents being treated as a second-class citizen, which occurred when he was made a janitor "based on his capabilities," according to the DHARMA Initiative tests he took. He just wants to drown his pain and feel good, which is why he turned to drugs. Or he wants to wallow in his self-pity. Or he seeks to redeem himself by correcting his mistakes, which is why he brought the survivors back to the island. But he's not willing to make a total dive into a selfless lifestyle, since it is tiring and can often bring pain and rejection!
Sawyer, however, went the other direction. Although he started out as a selfish jerk, he came to have affection for others than himself. He also found personal healing after he killed the guy who was responsible for the death of his father. While he began to think about others than himself three years ago (for him), he was not ready at that time for leadership or a serious relationship that required a lot of giving. As he told Kate on the last episode, "Three years ago, I was no more ready to be your boyfriend than that girl's father" (meaning his daughter Cassandra). But he got a set of responsibilities as the DHARMA Initiative's chief of security, and he eventually settled down with Juliet. Resonsibility kind of grew on him.
The thing is this: Sawyer can easily become like Jack. Sawyer has his set of predictable responsibilities, and he's selfless enough to have a relationship with a woman who loves him. But he hasn't yet made any seriously bad decisions that have produced disastrous results. He's only recently begun to shoulder the burdens of other people's lives and deaths, so he doesn't yet have the pain, fatigue, and loneliness that can accompany leadership, as Jack did.
What's my point here? I'm not sure. But I can identify with both Jack and Sawyer. I can get tired of sin and desire a life of happiness and righteousness (Sawyer), but I can also get burnt out with Christianity: believing certain things and acting in a "happy happy" extroverted manner. Plus, I can easily allow my hurts to paralyze and discourage me, as Jack has done.
I can get out of my funk and become selfless, but there's always the risk that being selfless can put me into another funk.