Seeking a Resting Place

Source: Philip Schaff, History of the Christian Church, Volume II: Ante-Nicene Christianity (Grand Rapids: William B. Eerdmans, 1910) 120.

"The ADAPTATION of Christianity to the deepest needs of human nature, which it alone can meet. Here belongs Tertullian's...profound thought, that the human soul is, in its inmost essence and instinct, predestined for Christianity, and can find rest and peace in that alone."

Schaff is listing arguments that early Christians made for Christianity. This quote somewhat struck a chord with me because of my own desire for rest and peace.

Can Christianity bring those things? I'm sure it does for many people, but it hasn't always for me. I don't want to regurgitate in detail my struggles with Christianity, since I've gone through that before on this blog. But there came a point in my life when I realized that the Christian life was simply inaccessible to me, or at least how I understand the Christian life: be social, like everyone, don't lust, have a passion for God and evangelism.

Something else that I dislike about Christianity is that it says I have to believe a certain way, when I want to search. Searching is more interesting than believing I already have the truth. If I know all the answers, then what is there to learn? And if there's nothing to learn, then life is boring!

But am I content in my disappointment with Christianity and my spiritual searching? The answer is "no." Sure, I can be entertained as I learn stuff, but I feel like I'm drifting. I wonder if there's a place to rest. There's a certain appeal to the Armstrongite mentality of "believe this and don't question," for there's security in knowing what to believe!

One more point: I do think that human beings were made for certain moral values. As Steph said under one of my posts, we feel good when we love our enemies. Walking around with a lot of bitterness isn't exactly healthy! As far as the Christian sex ethic goes, I find it extreme to tell men not to lust, since the human sex drive is a part of nature. But we can see everyday that the current laissez-faire attitude towards sexuality is a dead end. It leads to pregnancies among people not ready to be parents, STDs, and an absence of love in the sexual act. And I also believe that people do better when they can believe in something or someone beyond and above themselves--someone who is loving, beautiful, inspiring, etc. I don't always find these things in the Judeo-Christian God, but there have been times when I have!