I watched Jesus Camp last night, and it reminded me of something that I can't quite explain. I really don't like a lot of Christian conservatives. I don't like their cliches. I don't like the authoritarian way that they try to run other people's lives (in churches and small groups). I don't like their smug belief that their doctrine is the answer to every single problem. I hate it when they try to make me something I'm not (i.e., a super-happy, or, more precisely, a superficially-happy extrovert). I've never fit into their communities. I get bored hearing the same messages over and over. And I don't plan to join an evangelical church or small group anytime soon.
Yet, when I watched Jesus Camp, who made me mad? Who made me clinch my fist and shout at the screen? It wasn't the evangelicals. It was the liberal talk-show host, not to mention the entire liberal tone that undergirded the movie.
I'll give you some examples. The movie was showing a Christian parent homeschooling her children, and she was teaching them to reject evolution and the liberal stance on global warming. At the end of the movie, the liberal talk-show host was criticizing Christian "indoctrination" of children. Here were my thoughts in both cases: "Okay, I know what this movie is telling us. 'These parents are not qualified to homeschool their children, so we should ban homeschooling.' But what makes public schools think that they are qualified to teach our children? And indoctrination goes on in public schools too, let me be clear about that! There, children are taught socialism, radical environmentalism, and atheism. Heck, Outcome-Based Education basically grades students on how liberal they are (with the liberals getting the higher marks, of course). Maybe the liberals' problem is that they want to cram their 'values' down kids' throats, and the Christians are getting in the way. Liberal hypocrites!"
Yet, the movie showed an evangelical little girl who was saying things that would ordinarily set me off if I heard them in church. She said, "God doesn't like dead churches, where people are quiet. He likes happy churches, where people jump, dance, and shout 'Hallelujah!'" Here were my thoughts during this scene: "Well, I do not exactly agree with this sentiment, since people are different, and, as a consequence, so are worship styles. But she's a Pentecostal, and Pentecostals tend to believe the way that she just said. Pentecostalism is not my religious preference, but there are people who have that outlook."
Why am I more antagonistic towards liberals than conservative Christians, when there are things that I dislike about both groups? I don't think that it's because the conservatives are nicer. There are many conservative Christians whom I cannot stand, and I've met some really nice liberals. Is it because I can identify more with the conservative Christian message? On some level, yes. When I was watching the movie, I did not agree with a lot that the conservative Christians were saying, for a variety of reasons. I am open to evolution, I do not regularly cry about my sins or beat myself up, I don't interpret everything that contradicts hard-care Christian fundamentalism as demonic, and I am reluctant to walk up to complete strangers and tell them that fundamentalism will solve all of their problems and make them happier people, since it hasn't in my life. But I can understand where conservative Christians are getting their beliefs, and I did agree with what they were saying about the need to believe in God and oppose abortion.
With conservative Christianity, there have been many times in my life when I've tried to make it work. Often, parts of it resonate with me in theory, but it's the practice that gives me difficulty. I like the concept of a loving God who sent his Son to die for my sins, and I am drawn to the fruit of the Spirit (e.g., love, joy, peace, patience, goodness, etc.). Unlike the makers of Jesus Camp and the liberal talk-show host, I don't think that kids will be warped if they are taught that God loves them and created them for a purpose. I just find that conservative Christianity doesn't always work for me. Part of the problem is practical, part is intellectual. Practically, I feel that it requires me to be perfect 24-7, which is something I cannot do. Intellectually, if conservative Christians say that the entire Old Testament points to Jesus Christ, and I find that there are other ways to interpret the writings of the Hebrew Bible, and conservative Christians are largely unaware that there is even a problem, what am I supposed to do?
Liberalism, however, is a complete turn off to me. Conservative Christianity at least offers me something I want that has always eluded me, but liberalism has never done that. All it offers is guilt, self-righteousness, and hatred of Republicans. Even when I understand liberal arguments and see some grain of reason in them, I find them repulsive.
Incidentally, I had a dream about Jesus Camp last night. In my dream, I met Becky Fischer, the woman who runs the camp. I said that I found her to be a friendly and reasonable person, and that I thought Levi (the kid with long hair who preaches) had conviction and was a good preacher. She then replied that I should come and help out with the camp. I responded that I am not much of a Pentecostal, and then I tried to ask her questions about what she did in the film. "Why did you cleanse children with water from a water bottle?" I asked. "Do you think that filtered water spiritually cleanses children, or was the water a sort of visual aid? Plus, you told the kids to start speaking in tongues. Can you just turn something like that on, as if it's a light switch? I always thought you had to wait for it to come over you." She gave me some inadequate answers and brushed me off. Then, I escaped my captivity from the Romans (my dream had some overlapping plot lines going on).
Any Freudians out there who can explain my dream? Or, for Pentecostals, any modern day Josephs or Daniels who can offer an interpretation?